You'll Take an Eye Out!

i enjoy being a (middle-aged) girl

2011-12-31T12:26:00.000Z

There comes a point in a woman's life when you can no longer blame things on past pregnancies, particularly when your children are in high school or university. (True story. I have actually witnessed this logic.) For example, my youngest is now 2 1/2, which means this is now officially no longer Baby Weight. This has only become a recent revelation to me; there are a myriad of things I was blaming on pregnancy, when in fact, I think I'm just getting old. My theory is reinforced by the fact that every time I seek professional help for my medical woes, the answer is consistently: "Yes well, that just happens as we get older." It must be great to be a doctor with a patient who is over 40, because you can use this answer for pretty much anything without a lot of investigation. Increased and unexplained allergies? Ageing. Brittle hair? Ageing. Inability to see well in the dark? Ageing. Intense and irrational hatred of going to Tesco? Ageing.

I've come to the conclusion that the long list of health-related oddities I've been attributing to my post pregnancy body are more likely due to Becoming Older (or BO, as it shall now be known.) The foggy brain, inability to make decisions, oversensitivity, fatigue, and complete lack of short term memory hasn't stopped since my newborn became a toddler and her sleeping habits improved greatly. My periods are terrible not just because of the mood swings, but because every month for a week, I go through early pregnancy: heartburn, IBS, nausea, bloating, and insomnia. Because all of this has happened so gradually and time flies when you've got three kids, it's only now dawned on me. This isn't just BO, it's the beginning of The Change. From The Curse to The Change, all in the blink of the eye. Girls, enjoy your lives until age 11-16 because once you get your period, YOU ARE DOOOOOOMED.

I did a little online research, because why seek help from trained medical professionals when you can get instant Internt access to information available from hospitals, universities, and antisocial psychopaths who never leave the house? The data might not be accurate and every site leads you to believe you likely have cancer, but generally you can weed out the sensible articles from Wikipedia-esque. I learned that:

Women of all ages suffer from PMS, but it can be more of a problem at these times:
After childbirth
During your 30s and 40s
During times of stress
PMS is often worse at either end of a woman's reproductive life, around puberty and before the menopause. [source]

Well, that's me all over. The solution? Don't get fat, exercise, avoid coffee and alcohol, don't eat sugar or fat, and sleep more. Well, that's me screwed. On top of all this, it's very likely that I've entered perimenopause. That's the decade or so before you actually go through the menopause, because the menopause isn't fun and hilarious enough on its own. The Mayo Clinic tells us that "Women start perimenopause at different ages. In your 40s, or even as early as your 30s, you may start noticing the signs." These signs being everything I listed in paragraph 2. Fantastic.

So where do I go from here? There's no test (or no test that's terribly useful) to determine whether or not you're going through perimenopause, and no treatment that doesn't involve taking pills or completely removing your internal lady parts. I'm going to try eliminating wheat completely (not that I eat a lot of it, but I don't totally avoid it in things like soy sauce, HP sauce, etc.), avoid caffeine at certain times of the month, and getting some weight off by avoiding sugars and grains. Running is also in the plan, mostly for my mental health - I loved that few minutes of peace and fresh air when I went out for a jog/walk/waddle. Maybe a little yoga too, because being bendy surely must do some good.

I can't fight mother nature (she obviously has no sense of humour and must be pretty sadistic to have come up with this whole reproductive life cycle thing), but I'll try to find something that will keep her at bay.

january, revisited

2011-12-30T23:37:00.000Z

Hey look, it's that time of year again! Time to say to yourself, "Sweet merciful crap, back away from the Quality Street and mince pies before you implode." and make all sorts of plans for the new year. Judging by my Facebook feed, it looks like most of you have Get 2011 The Hell Over With as your main priority. I am genuinely sorry that it's been a tough year for a lot of my friends and family, and here's hoping that things get much, much better and easier.

So back in January, I made a list of things I wanted to work on for the year. My goals were:

Stop sweating the small stuff.
Get help (i.e. stop trying to do too much and accept help when offered.)
Prioritise.
Get back (i.e. do the things I used to do and love; make time for myself.)

I can't say that I've done remarkably well on any of these goals but hey, at least I made a nice list in tidy bulleted format. I still sweat the small stuff and I let insignificant things get me down. I think I've done a little better with the other three, specifically after giving up my day job back in April. While it's been weird to be "out of work" (don't even get me started on people's perceptions on what stay at home parents do with their time), it's been a huge relief not to worry about childcare and a pure joy to be able to attend a lot of school activities I missed out on before. Some days are really tough and I can actually feel my brain cells digging tiny tunnels to escape the insanity, but on the most part, it's been the best decision I've made. I still need to find my groove, though. And a hobby. (Preferably one that pays money.)

My goals for 2012 are:

Purge and organise. I started working on this recently and it's been incredibly liberating. There is still quite a way to go yet, and I still have yet to find a way to keep myself organised.
Make our home a sweet home. We aren't going to move for quite some time, so we need to sort out all the loose ends around here and make this a place we can really be happy with, at least for the next little while. Must. Get. Rid. Of. That. Floral. Wallpaper. In. The. Corridor. Gaaaaaah.
Focus on my health. I don't just mean losing weight (which has been the albatross around my neck for decades now), but finding solutions for the small yet annoying health niggles I've been enduring for the past couple of years.
Figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I might return to work, in some capacity, when Isla increases her hours at nursery in September. It might be tech writing again, or it might be something totally different. I don't know yet.
Be creative. My soul goes numb when I'm not doing something creative, whether it's delving into the cobwebby part of my brain that used to do graphic design, making something, or figuring out how to do a rugby ball cake (true.)
Get "published". Doesn't have to be paid work (it likely won't be and will probably be an article online), but I need to write and it would be great to get a piece out there in the public domain. This is very much related to my last point.
Buy as much London Olympic tat as possible. (Not really. Well, maybe just a little tat.)

Happy new year, everyone!

advent calendar

2011-11-29T13:48:00.002Z

Are you on Pinterest? If you aren't, and you value your precious free time and already spend way too much time on the computer, then DON'T GO THERE. DO NOT ASK FOR AN INVITE. RUN. RUN LIKE THE WIND. Otherwise, go check it out because it's fantastic fun and very addictive. I've come across several clever ideas recently, and have shamelessly pinched quite a few of them for the holiday season. First, there were the reindeer cupcakes:

Stolen from With Sprinkles on Top, with my thanks!

Maybe it's middle age and maybe it's motherhood, but I had to find an excuse to make these. My inner Martha Stewart demanded that I put down the gin and tonic and fashion cute cupcakes. As a bonus, they kept Mia occupied and happy, as she was put in charge of noses.

The second Christmas crafty endeavour was inspired by Craftastica and her recycle bin advent calendar. Although ours isn't nearly as tidy as hers, the kids enjoyed putting it together (despite all the fighting about things like stickers, the number of envelopes decorated, and who got to use the coveted glue stick.) The envelopes are made from parcel paper (I had a roll of it around, thanks to many years of sending parcels home to Mom and Dad), the main board is the side of a box I got from Amazon recently, the board is covered in cheapie wrapping paper, and the decorations are from various stores.

I'd like to think of it as "folksy".

I've been meaning to make our own advent calendar for years now, mostly because I'm too cheap to buy one. I had the idea last year to make one out of felt (how hard could it be?), but never got around to actually purchasing any felt. What I liked about the homemade/unfilled calendars is that you can put whatever you want inside. Sure the kids love their chocolate calendars from Grandma, but I love the idea of filling each pocket with things other than sweets or toys. Again, this is probably middle age talking and I'm doing something akin to handing out apples at Halloween. But I digress.

This is the list of stuff that will be a part of this year's calendar. I think - I hope - that as the kids get older, they'll come up with some ideas for their calendars themselves. This isn't about being smug or all like "Look at my perfect family, aren't we clever? Not like you. YOU SUCK." With three kids under the age of 7, I need to find things to keep them happy and occupied, especially after school and during holidays. If that means subjecting myself to crafting and things involving glitter, I'll do it. Otherwise, they will drive me utterly batshit crazy. Also, on a more positive note, I really like Christmas and having kids is a great excuse to get extra excited about it. Anyway, here is the list so far:

Popcorn, hot chocolate, and movie night
Make teacher presents
Make a paper chain for the tree
Make a gingerbread house
Visit Frosts garden centre for Christmas fun
Choose toys to donate
Make a garland tree for the front door (another Pinterest idea!)
Make salt dough ornaments (yeah, ditto.)
Go out for supper
Write letters to Santa
Pancake breakfast (with Christmas cookie cutters)
Cut out snowflakes for the windows
Watch Santa videos
Read letters from Santa
Treasure hunt
Game night
Watch "Muppet Christmas Carol"
Sing a Christmas song/make a movie for Grandma and Grandpa
Buy a Christmas tree
Watch "Elf"
Read "The Stinky Sprout"
Make Santa's cookies
Read "The Night Before Christmas"
Erm...maybe stick a toy in the envelope. I'm running out of ideas here.

you're entitled to my opinion

2011-09-22T15:18:00.001+01:00

If you're on Facebook, you're probably more than aware of the changes that took place over yesterday (and strangely, the changes were present for some users for the past few weeks although no one I know recalls signing up for beta testing. But I digress.) You've also probably had it up to HERE with people talking about it, so I apologise for this post in advance. The day started with a lot of "WTF Facebook?!" statuses in my feed, progressing to expressions of anger and/or general annoyance. By the end of the day, dozens of graphics about Facebook made the rounds, clearly dividing those who were fed up and those who were fed up with all the people who were fed up.

I was on the side of "WTF Facebook?!" as I struggled to understand the new layout and features. I wasn't bothered by the concept of change, it's the fact that the change was unannounced, seemingly without any user input (or consultation with anyone in the UI design industry), unintuitive, lacking in documentation, and largely unconfigurable. It simply made little sense.

Having used it for a day now, I think I'm familiar with all the new stuff and slightly less vexed by it. I just have to be more mindful about commenting on anything (I now check that the privacy setting is set to "Friends of x" to avoid spamming the feed more than necessary) and I've enjoyed being taunted in the live ticker, thanks to crafty friends who realised that comments they post on certain friends' walls would show up in the feed. I understand that comments on "Public" and "Friends of friends" statuses and photos were always visible on your wall (not in your feed, as far as I can remember), but you could hide this activity and it would never appear on your wall. Now these actions are displayed in the ticker, and you can't do squat about it. Furthermore, I cannot get my head around the incredibly vague and seemingly random classification of subscription updates - what are "most" and "only important" updates? What parameter are they using to determine these categories, and how are we supposed to know what they are? From what I can gather, you need to go to every friends' profile page and select "All updates" to see everything they post. Otherwise, you get a lucky dip assortment of statuses that some bit of code has deemed feedworthy. No, really.

The only documentation I've seen regarding the new changes is this rather terse page here: http://www.facebook.com/help?page=189712557768134 that doesn't really tell you how to do anything terribly useful. A friend posted a link to this video, which is far more informative (and not produced by a Facebook employee): http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1989051093764 This morning I saw a link on Mashable about further, rather ominous sounding changes brewing ahead for today. Fabulous. Unleash more amusing graphics!

At the end of the day, after the ten millionth status complaining about the new Facebook, the statuses and images telling us to stop our bellyaching began to fill up everyone's feeds (or on a less angry level, many people simply didn't understand what the fuss was about.) For me, the fuss was about rolling out a UI that's confusing with a lot of important issues that users aren't aware of. Facebook is free to use, but we are still their customers and without us, they don't generate revenue. With hot competition from sites like Google+, it's in their best interest to keep their users happy and to actually listen to user feedback.

In the larger scheme of things, changes to Facebook aren't going to ruin my life. But I think there's no excuse for being arrogant and lazy in the business world, and this is what I've been vocal about. Usability is a fundamental part of any web site, regardless of whether or not your visitors are paying customers. Write some docs, add some tool tips and online help, and I'll be a little more forgiving, Facebook.

lessons i need to learn from my kids

2011-07-06T09:10:00.000+01:00

How To Make Your Life More Carefree and Enjoyable, by Jack, Mia, and Isla:

It's perfectly okay to dance around in your underwear and in fact, this should be done at least once every single day.
No matter how silly anyone else thinks it is, never let anything stop you from laughing. And laughter is best when done with mild hysteria whilst rolling about on the floor.
There is no taste combination that is too weird and not worth trying at least once.
Bubbles are really, really exciting. Look, bubbles! BUBBLES!!!!
All animals must be greeted with a hearty hello, even if you see them from your car.
Never let the lack of lyric knowledge prevent you from singing a song. Alternatively, just keep repeating whatever lyrics you do know.
Forget Michelin stars - things covered in chocolate, deep-fried, and/or covered in ketchup are where it's at.
If you're ever questioned about why you're doing something that someone else may not approve of, answer with: "Because I am." And say it like they're a total idiot for asking.
Whenever you're going down a hill in a car, shout out "WHEEEEEEEE!"
Cutlery is always optional.
It's okay to cry.

we can be heroes

2011-05-31T15:11:00.000+01:00

My children have the following superhero powers:

The ability to know when you're eating chocolate, even if you're behind a closed door in another part of the house.
Total clothing removal in less than 5 seconds, particularly in public places.
Constant and persistent "I'm screaming like my arms are being chewed off by lions/I'm perfectly happy now" oscillation.
Camel Stomach: the ability to drink 50 litres of liquid without having to go to the toilet once, and requesting more liquids every 3 minutes. And conversely...
The Tardis Bladder: the ability to expel incredible amounts of wee, despite just having been to the toilet and insisting that there is no further need to wee (i.e. during toilet training.)
The ability to start crying the moment a parent begins to eat/fall asleep, or more impressively, when the adult merely considers these concepts. (This power seems to be present in under 2s only.)
Stealthy Depositing and Spreading of Sticky Things
Complete Green Removal From Anything Edible AKA The Meticulous Search and Removal of Every Speck of Chopped Basil From Spaghetti Sauce

My children adhere to the following rules:

I'm not hungry, unless it's food on someone else's plate.
As soon as the adult steps out of the room, start beating the crap out of each other. Deny existence of conflict as soon as the adult returns.
When in doubt, blame the baby.
Alternatively, blame the dog. Or dinosaurs. (True story.)
There is always an excuse not to sleep. For example, "I can still hear [the baby] crying in my mind."
Everyone wants to see your bum/willy/belly.
When eating dip, use your finger to scoop it up and lick it off. Repeat until an adult tells you the tub is all yours.

pop goes the cake: part deux

2011-05-26T12:27:00.000+01:00

After my trial run this morning, I have come to quite a few conclusions about this cake pop business:

It's tricky to make them all the same size, or to even make them spherical. Mine look like meatballs. Meatballs that have been whacked with squash racquets by very uncoordinated people.
They keep falling off the stick when you dip them and tap off the excess. I suspect my cake crumble mix has too much icing in it. I've dipped the sticks in chocolate and popped the balls in the freezer before dipping (as suggested here: http://veronicascornucopia.com/2011/05/12/cake-pops-balls-truffles-troubleshooting-faq/), to no avail. Which leads me to...
The chocolate coating has cracked. Apparently this is from either overheating the chocolate (which I don't think is the case) or keeping the balls in the freezer for too long.
When using candy melts, you've got to get your sprinkles on very quickly after dipping as it hardens fast.
If you don't have a styrofoam block and lollipop sticks (e.g. for testing purposes), you can use a colander and bamboo skewers cut to length. The pointy ends of the skewers don't work well though, as the balls slip off the ends more easily.

My rather sad attempt at cake pops.

Cake pops are a cute idea and if you've got the knack for it, they'd be fun to make for parties. For me, they're far too fiddly and temperamental (especially with small children in the house who constantly need to be fed, watered, and pried away from breakable things). I'd happily make these in a small batch and do a little more practicing to fix all of the issues I mentioned, but I'm planning on doing something for roughly 70 people in just over 2 weeks, and I will lose the will to live if I carry on with the cake pops.

I do have an alternative plan (supplies pending) that may save me a lot of time and headaches that will hopefully still have that itty bitty cakey cuteness factor. In the meantime, I've got two little girls who are very eager to taste test the cake pops, cracks and all.

pop goes the cake

2011-05-24T13:58:00.000+01:00

I've embarked on yet another "That Looks Easy; I Bet I Could Do That" project this week: cake pops. For those not in the know, cake pops are little balls of cake that are put on to lollipop sticks, then dipped and decorated in some sort of creative manner. The plan is to do the pops for the kids attending Isla's naming ceremony, so this week the test kitchen is in full swing as I attempt to fashion something resembling tiny cakey cuteness. On a stick.

Now look, I know cake pops are the latest fad and even Starbucks have started peddling them to the public, but I don't care much about being behind the times. I still make meatloaf. With ketchup on it. I have no culinary shame. To further induce horror amongst the foody elite, most cake pop instructions call for the cake to be made from a mix with prepackaged icing to help bind it together (the argument being that they take so long to decorate, time shouldn't be wasted making a cake and icing from scratch.) I'm no food snob (witness my love of Kraft Dinner and Denny's), but despite having grown up on the stuff, I don't like the taste of cake mixes. For testing purposes though, I am using a mix to save on time and effort. And these things do take a lot of time, even before you get to the decorating.

After baking, the cake supposedly needs to cool overnight before you crumble it with the icing. Why? No clue - I can't imagine that a cake gets progressively cooler beyond a couple of hours out of the oven, but it may have something to do with needing to use slightly staler cake to help hold its shape. After cooling, the cake needs to be blitzed into crumbs then mixed with whatever icing or binding agent you want to use to form a truffle-like substance. This then needs to go in the fridge for another day or so to firm up, and THEN you're reading for dipping n' decorating.

So today, I'm merely at the baking and cooling stage. Mostly this involves explaining to your crying, screaming children why they can't eat the cake that's sitting there, tantalising them from the cooling rack. Tomorrow, I roll.

pancakes: they're not just for breakfast

2011-03-08T11:41:00.002Z

It's Shrove Tuesday (AKA Pancake Tuesday), which gives me an excuse to make pancakes in the middle of the week. And when I say "pancakes", I mean the fluffy kind of my childhood, possibly with a side of bacon. I've got nothing against the crepe-style ones traditionally served here (especially when smeared with Nutella), but they just aren't pancakes to me. We like to do everything in North America bigger and fatter because we're awfully good at it. I loved Shrove Tuesday. The idea of pancakes for supper was incredibly exciting, and I'm not sure who was most excited about it - me or my Dad. It was one of the first things I ever cooked on my own at around age 7.

I've been using the same pancake recipe for decades now, from a very worn and much-loved copy of "The Joy of Cooking". In fact, the pancake recipe page fell out of the book from overuse and is now in another recipe folder. This recipe makes around 10 teacup saucer-sized pancakes, or 6 of these utterly amazing Star Wars pancake molds from Williams Sonoma.You can make the batter ahead of time; I don't think it really matters and it doesn't seem to "improve" it (I have the same philosophy about Yorkshire pudding batter). You don't have to separate the eggs and whisk up the whites if you don't have time, but I find it does make the pancakes much fluffier. You can't get double action baking powder here, so just use regular baking powder if you don't have it. The double action variety does make the pancakes quite a lot lighter, but they'll still turn out fine with regular baking powder.

Now for my Canadian secret tip: knowing when the pan is the right temperature. Warm up your pan over medium heat, and when you think it's ready, flick some cold water onto the surface with your fingers. If the water sizzles and disappears immediately, the pan's too hot. If the water sits there and does nothing, it's too cold. If it forms into a plump bead that merrily sits there and sizzles a bit, it's just right. I use a nonstick pan or griddle, so I just put a little rapeseed/sunflower oil on a paper towel and grease the surface very lightly.

Big Fat American Pancakes

1 1/2 cups plain flour

1 3/4 tsp double action baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3 tbsp sugar

2 large eggs, separated

3 tbsp butter, melted and cooled

1 cup milk

Into a large bowl, sift the flour and baking powder (you can then sift it again, if you like). Add the sugar and salt, and set aside. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg whites until they're dry, but not stiff. In a large measuring jug, stir together the milk, melted butter, and egg yolks. Slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry, and whisk by hand until most or all of the lumps are gone. Carefully fold in the egg whites with a spatula until combined. The batter will be quite thick - like drop scone or crumpet batter - so don't be tempted to add more milk. I usually scrape the batter back into the large measuring jug and use it to pour the batter into the pan.

Pour the batter into the hot pan in whatever shape or size you'd like - it will spread a little as it cooks. When the top is covered in bubbles and the sides start to look dry (or lift the pancake and check it to make sure it's not burning.), flip it over and cook for another 2 minutes or so.

Put a little butter on top, drown it in maple syrup, and watch your kids go nuts on the sugar rush. And enjoy.

get out of the kitchen

2011-02-25T17:22:00.000Z

Dramatic music swelling, the contestant burst into tears. "I've ruined everything because of an uncooked potato!" she wailed. John and Gregg stood motionless with what was probably supposed to be expressions of great concern, but ended up looking more like confusion with a hint of panic. John slung an arm around her shoulder, with a stiffness usually only seen when two men attempt to comfort each other while being incredibly conscious of not looking too gay. With a hearty clap on the arm, he said "It's just a bad day at the office, hey!" in that awkward way your dad tried to console you when you were a teenager and your first boyfriend dumped you. When the contestant was eventually told she hadn't made it through to the next round, the dramatic music returned as did the awkward shoulder manoeuvre when John attempted to console a deeply distraught Gregg - who almost seemed to jump at the shoulder clap, as if he'd forgotten this bit from rehearsal. So this is the new touchy feely Masterchef. Oh, help us.

Masterchef has evolved over the years, and it's always been one of my favourite programmes. From the first endearingly simple format when Lloyd "Guess Where My Accent's From?" Grossman presented to the updated version with John "Puh-sta" Torode and Gregg "Phwoar! I Could Smear That Pudding On My Naked Body" Wallace, I've watched every episode. There wasn't much wrong with it, apart from the fact that it followed precisely the same format each series: the invention test, the restaurant test, ingredients test, the "why I should be on Masterchef" speech, and cook-offs (with a few other tasks in the finals that were either repeated each series or were very similar.) Admittedly, I shouted at the television a few times and the editing was often rather creative and sometimes misleading, but it was still compelling. As was suggested by fans on the BBC food boards and elsewhere, the challenges needed a bit of tweaking, perhaps taking cues from the format of America's "Top Chef".

"Top Chef" is, in my expert opinion*, brilliant. The challenges are creative, fun, exciting, and interesting. The ubiquitous product placement is maddening and distracting, but the format is terrific. The judges do not hug, shoulder clap, cuddle, kiss, or give pep talks to the contestants. The incidental music is always the same in every episode, unlike the BBC's love of finding the most inappropriate song just because it happens to be on the musical director's playlist at the time. Sigur Ros when someone has just cut their finger on a mandolin while slicing fennel? Oh yes, please!

"Top Chef" does have its moments of drama in the form of in-fighting, bitching, and the occasional romance, but the presenters never seem to be acting. The basic format hasn't changed in 8 series, but the challenges are rarely the same - and this is what makes it wonderfully watchable. "Masterchef" didn't need to adapt the reality TV format, add drama where it's not needed, and force the presenters to behave unnaturally. It did need to revamp the challenges, and hopefully that will happen this series. But please, leave the Torode and Puddingface as they are. It just ain't natural.

*("Expert" meaning: "one who watches a ridiculous amount of cookery programmes and has an unnatural love of the Food Channel.")

what has the nct ever done for us?

2011-02-21T13:47:00.000Z

The Telegraph ran an article on Saturday about the stigma surrounding caesareans, with an interview with television presenter Kirstie Alsopp who has had two caesareans herself. The subtitle (unsurprisingly) doesn't really reflect what she said in the article and she didn't exactly "launch an attack on natural birth campaigners" via Twitter, but she is quite obviously upset about the lack of information parents receive antenatally about caesarean sections.

I've been there, done that. In fact, I was being there doing that six years ago tomorrow - almost to the minute as I write this. I responded to Ms Alsopp's tweets on the topic (whether or not they made it through the thousands of replies she must have received is another issue entirely), specifically, to her question about whether or not my NCT classes covered c-sections sufficiently. The article states:

Miss Allsopp, whose two sons were delivered by C-section, said many women were made to feel a "failure" after undergoing the procedure.

Although I never thought anyone else made me feel like a failure, I certainly thought that about myself. I felt duped; despite having read dozens of books about childbirth (including the fantastic Thinking Women's Guide to Better Birth by Henci Goer) I still just nodded mutely when the suggestion of an induction and then a c-section were presented to me. I've never been one to do what I'm told (apologies to my previous teachers, bosses, and parents), yet I didn't think to question what I was being told or ask for alternatives.The article continues:

She said more information should be provided by the National Childbirth Trust about C-sections in its antenatal classes.

In my case, I agree with this statement. To be fair, no one can expect a thorough explanation about every birth scenario in 8 evenings, but the coverage on this type of birth was very brief. Considering around a quarter of births are by c-section, it's a big one to gloss over. One of our evenings involved an overview of the surgery (including a "re-enactment" of who would be in theatre using Playmobil figures), and that was it. Out of 8, 4 of us ended up with unexpected caesarians. I knew nothing about it going into it, had no idea how difficult recovery could be, and had absolutely no information about breastfeeding after surgery (which is more a fault with the NHS, in my opinion.) The fact is, no matter what type of birth you'd like, preparation for other scenarios isn't a bad thing.

Belinda Phipps, the NCT's chief executive said:

If you've got a class of people who want home births then Caesareans aren't very interesting to them. Our teachers do a demonstration with Playmobil, but we don't force it on people. Our view on Caesareans is we would want to make sure women don't have a procedure if it could have been prevented.

This saddens me. My interpretation of this statement is that Phipps believes caesareans are simply not of any "interest" to some people and teaching about it would somehow be perceived as "forcing it on people". But how is the NCT teaching parents to avoid a procedure they may not need by not talking about it? Prevention, education, information - why isn't any of this covered? Those of us who did opt for home births most certainly didn't do so without any information about the alternatives. I wrote three birth plans: home VBAC, hospital VBAC, and a repeat section. Having experienced a section, I knew exactly what I did and didn't want if I needed another. When I had Jack, I didn't even know I could request anything or try to make the experience as "natural" as possible. It was only through experience that I could try and make the next birth better for me.

I am not anti-NCT or their classes and in fact, I've always told people how wonderful they are for making friends. Especially for us as first time parents, knowing others who were also having their first at around the same time was wonderful. Beyond that, I don't think I actually learned very much about pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding.

As I mentioned before, there is only so much you can cover in a few hours, so I don't necessarily fault the course; it's far more informative than the one day Parentcraft classes offered by the NHS. I don't think we can put the entire blame on the NCT for not fully educating a small percentage of parents who opt to take (and pay for) their antenatal classes, but they can expand their material to cover more about caesarians. I did mention this to the instructor when she asked us for feedback about the class, so there's every possibility that the local course material has changed. On the flipside, there was no discussion about home births either. Although this could be because the instructor knew none of us were planning on having one at that time.

So essentially, Alsopp is right - the stigma surrounding caesarians needs to stop. No one's really talking about it, not just the NCT. Talking about it doesn't encourage anyone to opt for one unnecessarily or offend us mad hippy mothers. And while I'm here, can someone point me to the person who coined the phrase "too posh to push" so I can slap them?

bits of stuff n' things

2011-02-18T11:38:00.000Z

I have so many random yet lovely things in my head at the moment, I feel I must share with the online world, whether it's of any interest to anyone or not. Because that's what the online world is all about: sharing your deepest thoughts and/or abusing celebrities on Twitter. Or griping about your angst-filled life on Tumblr using the medium of song lyrics and photos. Or blogging.

So, yes, sharing time.

Helena Bonham-Carter's acceptance speech at the BAFTAs: Brilliantly random, rambling, funny, and as far away from a typical acceptance speech as you can get.
Adele's performance at the Brits: Simply stunning.
The Best Chocolate Ice Cream in the World: My friend Annalisa posted this recipe recently and my children agree, this really is the best chocolate ice cream ever. I got an ice cream maker for Christmas, so now I can make ice cream with the kids, containing ingredients I can pronounce. Also check out her recipe for mint ice cream, which is utterly divine.
Shock Absorber sports bras: They are the only sports bras on this planet (or at least in the UK) that allow me to run without giving myself a black eye. You bounce, you don't move and you don't hurt.
Top Chef returning to British television sets: Forget Masterchef (which has done Very Bad Things to the format this series), tune into Top Chef on the Good Food channel. We're getting season 7 (Washington), and it's brilliant. The challenges are creative, entertaining, and the lovely Padma Lakshmi is a marvellous presenter. I give her extra bonus points for still having a very distinct baby belly that she makes no effort to hide, despite being two months postpartum and appearing on American TV.
Kindle: Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I seem to devour books much more quickly on this device than I do in their original paper format. The screen is so easy to read, remarkably so similar to paper that I actually caught myself trying to "turn" the page when I first started using it. It's lightweight, I love how easy it is to download and organise books, and hopefully sites like Lendle will allow non-US Amazon accounts to share books in the near future. I never thought that anything could come close to a paper book, but I've been converted. (Although I still love the look and feel of a real book.)
Oscar films: For once, in many years, I have managed to see a few films that are nominated for Oscars. Normally, the only nominated film I would have seen would be something I saw with the kids or on an airplane. This year, I've managed to see "Black Swan", "Inception", and "King's Speech"...along with the kids' films, naturally. All three "grown up" films were fantastic, in completely different ways.
Good customer service: And last, but certainly not least, kudos to Hotel du Vin for providing excellent customer service after I made a complaint. We went to the Cambridge bistro for a friend's birthday and while we enjoyed our evening and the food was excellent, service was disappointingly patchy. I sent an email to the general address on the site, and got a response a couple of hours later from the manager in Cambridge. Hugely apologetic and stressing that this is not what the "Hotel du Vin experience" should be like, she invited the four of us to come back and have a meal, free of charge. No arguments, no need to ask for anything - exactly how a complaint should be resolved.

progression

2011-01-11T14:21:00.000Z

So, how are your resolutions/goals/thingies coming along? Judging by the crowd at the gym today, I'm guessing a lot of you are still sticking to the "move more" resolution. Which is great, but can you please avoid my pilates and body combat classes so they don't book up so quickly? Oh, and don't use the creche either. Just leave your kids in the car with the heat and radio on; they'll be fine. Thanks.

I'm glad that I wrote down my 2011 goals at the end of December, because I have actually referred to the post to remind myself of what I've set out to do. The worrying hasn't stopped, but I do catch myself and rein myself back in when it happens. I ask myself "Is that really worth getting anxious about?" and then I look around to make sure no one's listening because talking to yourself is all sorts of crazy. So that's a start. Paul has been a star at ensuring I follow the Get Help goal, by intervening when I get overwhelmed and jumping in to lend a hand. Similarly, I've been better about delegating and taking Paul up on his offers of help, rather than the usual "NO. I'M FINE." *stresstresstresstress* sort of thing I normally do. As for prioritising, I started to do that before Christmas when I realised that my brain was about to explode due to my massive mental To Do list. Even today I caught myself feeling guilty because I had some spare time on my hands. I could be filling that time with useful chores! Or a latte. (I opted for the latter. Oh, that's almost a pun. Hee.) How on earth I could think I was being lazy when I'd got myself and children ready this morning, packed for the gym, did the school run, went to a pilates class, ran a few errands, made lunch, did laundry and the washing up - all before 1pm. I am now taking an hour to eat lunch, finish my latte, write this post and waste time on Facebook before Isla wakes up. Then it's a matter of getting chilli into the slow cooker, more laundry, the school run, homework, feeding time at the zoo, bedtime, more laundry, more washing up. Lazy. Right.

Part of the Get Back goal is about being a bit "selfish" for a change - doing things for me (and for us as a couple, really) that make me happy. We managed to get out to the cinema (to see a children's film, yes I see the irony), and we have several nights out with just the grown-ups coming up this month and next. I've been devouring books on my Kindle and am looking forward to the films in our queue from Lovefilm. I'm back in the gym, back to eating properly, and have lost 2 1/2 kg in a week. Still haven't booked my haircut, though.

So, it's all going well and I'm happy. And latte hour is up, so back to work I go.

9 months...

2010-12-23T10:44:00.000Z

...is the length of time since I've written about the great Blu-ray DVDs we've received from Think Parents. Oops. I'm very grateful that they continue to send us the movies, despite my sporadic blog updates. Without further ado, I present you with "Nine Months of Film Blurbs, and Many Apologies to Digital Outlook".

Dumbo and Toy Story 1 & 2:

Disney have re-released quite a few of their "classic" films on Blu-ray, with digitally remastered animation and some bonus bits. They are still hugely dated, which is unavoidable (unless they want to re-record the voices and update the songs), but Jack and Mia didn't seem to mind or notice. "Dumbo" doesn't disappoint if you're into Disney's Dead Mother formula of storytelling and their trademark catchy tunes. I was surprised at how short the film is, which actually works quite well for children with fairly short attention spans (i.e. mine). Jack and Mia enjoyed watching the film, but the true test is the number of times a film gets requested in future - and "Dumbo" has sadly failed.

Here's a clip from "Dumbo":

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e64954&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Now, the Toy Story series - I cannot say enough good things about it. And now it's in Blu-ray! Granted, the animation (particularly in the first film) is slightly out of date and not nearly as slick as the remarkable graphics we now see in films like "Up", but the storyline and characters are so incredibly endearing and likable. "Toy Story" is a favourite in this house, amongst both the big and little people. And yes, I'm one of those people who cried in the cinema (quietly, behind the 3D glasses) during "Toy Story 3". Such a brilliant trilogy of films.

The Princess and the Frog

Even though the word "princess" appears in the title, Jack admits that he still likes this movie and it's been on our television screen several times since we received it. Every time we see the ad for this DVD, Mia shouts out "WE HAVE THIS ONE!" So, accolades all around. I admit, I've not actually paid much attention to this film when it's been playing so I can only pass along my childrens' seal of approval.

Some clips:

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e66046&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Alice in Wonderland

I was going to buy this one for Paul, who is a Tim Burton fan. Again, I haven't managed to watch this one myself but Paul did watch this with Jack. I don't think this was a hit with Jack, and it's likely because this film isn't really aimed at small kids. I'm also a Burton fan, so I will sit down and watch this one day.

Clippage:

Tea Party

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e67375&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Hatter Futterwackens

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e67377&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Eat Me Cakes

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e67379&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10#

Beauty and the Beast

I don't think this one was very popular as it hasn't been requested again. It was never one of my favourites either, but this is likely due to my extreme dislike of Celine Dion.

No clip, but here is a list of bonus features, as provided by Disney:

Blu-ray bonus features

Backstage Disney

- Beyond Beauty: The Untold Stories Behind The Beauty and the Beast

- Broadway Beginnings

- Composing a Classic: A Musical Conversation with Alan Menken, Don Hahn and Richard Kraft

Deleted Scenes

- Alternate Story Open

- Belle in the Library

Family Play

- Enchanted Challenge: A Disney Quest Game

- Bon Jour, Who is This? A Disney TelePlay Game

Disney Channel Music Video

· Classic DVD Bonus Features

Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue

We took this one with us to Center Parcs and in one weekend, it was watched at least twice. Mia goes nuts for anything Tinkerbell so this was always going to be a hit with her. Jack sat through it, completely riveted. After one viewing, he said to a friend of ours "Don't tell anyone that I watched Tinkerbell." So shhh, don't tell anyone that Jack likes this film.

Clips ahoy:

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspxcustid=1064&playerid=69&bitrateid=310&formatid=10&clipid=e82944&affiliateid=-1

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspxcustid=1064&playerid=69&bitrateid=314&formatid=10&clipid=e70766&affiliateid=-1

http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspxcustid=1064&playerid=69&bitrateid=314&formatid=10&clipid=e70762&affiliateid=-1

And finally, this isn't a film review but a site review. Disney's "What Shall We Do Today" site has games, activities, songs, and other interactive bits for kids based on their Disney Channel programmes. This channel is very popular amongst the Durbin children, so they were eager to dive into the site. Unfortunately, none of the games would load, so we've had to postpone our review. I will say that the site is very easy to use (Jack was able to navigate through the menus without any difficulty) and your child will only need a basic reading level to get through the activities. Which means very little adult supervision is needed, which means mummy can go make a cup of tea while the kids play on the site. Win/win.

party time

2010-12-07T12:48:00.000Z

Mia's playgroup are having their annual Christmas party tomorrow, and I was asked to bring savoury finger foods for the adults. Having completely forgotten to buy anything specifically for the party (because that's how I roll these days), I was at a loss. I had a look through the fridge and freezer and had a bit of a "Ready, Steady, Cook" moment. Bacon and...erm...cucumber and...uhh...ranch dressing on...on...crumpets? Pea and cottage cheese fritters? Carrot sticks poked into Babybels? Tell the kids they're "porcupines"! Yeah, that's it. In a moment of inspiration/desperation, I came up with an idea based on a half pack of puff pastry lurking in the back of my freezer. Who has half a pack of pastry? Seriously? What did I do with only half a slab of puff pastry? At any rate, it gave me an idea, and this is the result.

The edges aren't burnt, they're "caramelised".

Tomato, Basil, and Mozzarella Tartlets

(Makes 12 tartlets)

1/2 pack of all butter puff pastry
3 plum tomatoes, peeled, de-seeded and chopped
1 tbsp chopped fresh basil
2 tbsp garlic oil*
Fresh mozzarella, chopped into 12 1" cubes
Freshly grated parmesan
Salt and pepper

*I'm lazy and sometimes resort to garlic oil (I have a jar of extra virgin olive oil with several whole cloves of garlic in it) rather than chop up garlic for a recipe.

Preheat the oven to 220C (non-fan assist, 200C fan assist).

Divide the pastry into 12 equal portions and place each portion into a muffin tin. Squish the dough down until it covers the bottom of the tin and comes up the sides a little. You're not aiming for perfection, just tart bottom coverage. In a bowl, combine the tomatoes, basil, garlic oil, and season to taste. Place about a teaspoon of the mixture on top of each pastry bottom, and top with a cube of mozzarella. Grate some parmesan over all the tarts, just to cover. Bake for around 15-20 minutes (depending on how thin you smush your pastry), and leave to cool on a wire rack.

These are bigger than a canape (i.e. it's more than a mouthful, unless you're like me and have a really big mouth and no sense of decorum), but are easily nibbled with a glass in one hand. You can make these a day ahead and serve them at room temperature.

***

Witness the uneven cooking of my oven. Bad Neff! Bad!

I wanted to make something else to help feed a hungry crowd of parents while their children run around, fuelled by chocolate Santas. My friend Helen pointed me to a recipe the other day for cheese straws on the fabulous Smitten Kitchen site, and having all the ingredients, I decided to give them a go. They are light, buttery, and absolutely delicious. As Helen said to me, these would be perfect with a glass of wine.

I left out the chilli only because children might be eating these, but I would definitely include it if I was serving these to adults. The other thing I would like to add is that Smitten Kitchen's cheese straws look a little more appealing, because American cheddar tends to be orange while ours is usually white. In future, I will use a strong orange cheese to give it that extra colour, and add a little cayenne to the dough.

Now before anyone accuses me of being all Martha Stewart-like and wondering how anyone could find the time to make stuff like this, I promise you, both recipes were simple and quick. From start to finish, the tarts and cheese straws took me an hour to complete both recipes. 10 minutes of that was preparation, the rest was sitting on my arse having a cup of tea. Well okay, that's not entirely true. The 10 minutes also included wrestling Christmas baubles out of the clutches of my baby's hands, rescuing her from falling off the sofa headfirst, and attempting to roll out dough while she held on to my legs like a rugby player.

Simples. Promise.

i iz not lettin u cook.

one banana, two banana, three banana, four

2010-10-24T09:22:00.000+01:00

Banana bread is one of my favourite things on earth. It's one of the tastes of my childhood and became a staple during all of my pregnancies. When I was pregnant with Jack, I discovered that Nutella smeared on a piece of banana bread was a lovely, lovely thing. (And my considerable girth at the end of that pregnancy was proof of my love.) When I was pregnant with Mia and Isla, I got the urge to bake towards the very end - probably part of that so-called "nesting phase" - and made loaves of banana bread just before they were born. In fact, before yesterday, the last loaf I made was the day before Isla arrived. So to all you heavily pregnant and fed up ladies out there, banana bread may be your answer*.

Paul and Jack returned from school on Friday with a carrier bag full of very ripe bananas, which was obviously a sign from the gods that I should bake. Banana bread was a given, and a quick poll of my friends and a scan through my cookbooks gave me a few more ideas. So first, my Mom's banana bread recipe. I think this came from one of our church cookbooks when I was a kid. All I know is that Mom has been using this recipe for as long as I can remember and it works every time. I think that the flavour gets better with age; banana bread is best eaten later that evening or the next day, in my opinion. I keep mine in the fridge because I like how dense and chilled it gets, but feel free to keep yours wherever you'd like. It also freezes well; slice it up and put greaseproof paper between the slices before freezing, and you can either defrost the slices gradually on the worktop or stick them in the microwave for around 20-30 seconds if you're impatient. This is a cake rather than a bread (despite the name), in that it's quite sweet and doesn't really require anything on it. Unless, of course, you enjoy Nutella and have a massive sweet tooth.

Mom's Banana Bread

2 cups of plain flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup of mashed bananas (approximately 3 medium bananas)
1/3 cup of whole milk
1 tsp fresh lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 350F/180C and grease a loaf pan. In a medium bowl, sift the flour with the baking soda and salt. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar until it's light and fluffy. Add the eggs and mashed bananas, and beat until they're thoroughly incorporated. In a mixing jug, combine the milk and lemon juice. [I suspect that this was a substitution for buttermilk (perhaps adapted from the original recipe), so I'm sure you could use 1/3 cup of buttermilk in place of the whole milk and lemon juice.] Add about 1/4 of the dry ingredients to the banana mixture, then a tablespoon or so of the milk mixture, and continue alternating like this until everything is mixed in, ending with the dry ingredients. [I don't really know if this matters, but it seems to be a common instruction in a lot of North American baking recipes. Whether or not starting and ending with dry ingredients and alternating like this does anything magical to the finished product is a bit of a mystery to me. But it's what I always do, and I'm too lazy to experiment and see what happens if I just bung everything into the bowl.] Bake for around an hour. When a cake tester comes out dry, it's done. Let the bread cool a little, then turn it out on to a wire rack to cool completely. Don't try to slice it before it has cooled, or else it'll crumble all over the place.

The second recipe of the day was for banana chocolate muffins, courtesy of the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook. Now, I know that many people are not fans of this book and I've heard several people complain that many of the recipes don't turn out properly. Me, I've never had anything go horribly wrong and I've enjoyed the recipes I've tried so far. But having said that, I think this recipe does need a little tweaking. It calls for 1 tsp ground ginger, which for me, was far too overpowering and almost completely masked the flavour of the bananas. This is very apparent if you try the cupcakes without the icing, as I did when I shared a sample uniced cake with Isla. The ginger does work with the chocolate, but it's still very dominant. Next time, I'll leave it out. Also, it calls for 1 tablespoon of baking powder which sounds like an awful lot to me, but I did use it and it worked fine.

I won't include the recipe here as many others have posted it and I don't want to make the nice people at Hummingbird grumpy by copyright infringement. Suffice it to say, these are worth making. Feather light, delicate, and delicious. A big hit with all three kids, and Mia thoroughly enjoyed mashing the bananas.

Thanks to the advice of my friends, I've frozen the rest of the bananas for another baking day. Which should go well, provided I don't confuse them with the bananas that have been sitting in my freezer since I was pregnant with Isla (originally intended for energy-providing smoothies during labour.) Which reminds me of the time I defrosted my freezer back in Montreal and the ice was so thick, a bag of corn I forgot that I had plopped out when it melted away. My freezer: a voyage of discovery and ancient artifacts.

*(Probably not, but it can't hurt.)

a tale of three recipes

2010-08-23T11:57:00.001+01:00

I found myself with an excuse to try out three recipes for a charity yard sale. I always enjoy baking for something or someone else because a) I get to make something sweetly decadent in our usually sugar-free house and b) it won't stay in my house and therefore I won't scarf the whole batch down in front of the television with a bottle of Baileys.

When I saw the recipe for bakewell slices/squares from my friend Annalisa Barbieri, I knew this one was going in the oven as soon as I found an excuse. I adore bakewell tarts - pastry crust spread with a layer of jam, topped with an airy almondy layer and icing - and loved the idea of doing them in bar form. Her recipe is very easy to follow (don't get scared off by the thought of making the pastry layer) and the accompanying text is fabulous. All recipes should be written like this; it's like having your best friend next to you talking you through the process rather than the intimidating formal instructions often given in books. (I think authors like Nigella Lawson and Nigel Slater are exceptions to this, probably because they are food writers rather than chefs.)

They turned out nicely, easily, and weren't overly sweet as you often find with commercially-produced bakewell tarts. It's only now that I notice how different mine look to Annalisa's. My pastry isn't crumbly and the almond layer looks far more dense. I've been eyeing my scale suspiciously after a few baking mishaps lately, so I think I may have added a bit too much butter to both the pastry and filling. Or maybe I just suck at pastry. No matter, they taste marvellous and hold together brilliantly as squares. Next time, I'll probably make a cherry compote type of thing like Annalisa made rather than the jam because it soaked into the pastry and almost wasn't a visible layer in the end.

Brownies: may cause death in large quantities

I was looking for something easy and that would make a vast quantity, so who better to consult than the queen of excess herself, Ina Garten? I love Ina. I wish Ina was my auntie and we could stay at her house in the Hamptons every summer. She would bring us trays of muffins, pancakes, fritattas, and carafes of coffee in the morning, and ply us with butter-filled delights for the remainder of the day. Her gay friends would come over and we'd sit on the beach and laugh about other Food Network chefs while we sip cocktails by the pitcher. Where was I? Oh yes, brownies. Lots of them. I remember seeing her make her Outrageous Brownies on television, and thinking "Why the hell does she always cook enough to feed 50 people?" Thankfully, this came in handy for the yard sale. They are, as you'd expect, everything you'd want in a proper American brownie: an enormous amount of rich chocolate, a slightly crisp outer layer, and a fudgey, almost undercooked middle. They are very similar to the recipe in Nigella Lawson's How to be a Domestic Goddess, with the addition of instant coffee granules. I omit nuts from any brownie recipe I make, only because I cannot stand nuts with cake. I don't want anything to interrupt my enjoyment of pure chocolate loveliness, and this includes children, the telephone ringing, people at my door attempting to convert me to their religion, and nuts.

These brownies are very easy to make and apart from the lack of nuts, the only other change I made was using 72% chocolate (Green & Blacks) only instead of a combination of semisweet and bitter. Follow Nigella's recipe if you want to make a reasonable quantity, and follow this one if you want to feed a small nation.

World Peace Cookies

The final baked good, which didn't make it to the yard sale (reasons to follow), were World Peace Cookies from the beautifully photographed and wonderfully written Smitten Kitchen blog. These are what I would call "grown up cookies". They're very light, crispy (comparable to a French sable), and deeply chocolaty without much sweetness. A large cold glass of milk is a must with these, or a good cup of tea.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm deeply suspicious of my scale at the moment, which increased after I made this dough. Most of the comments following this recipe complained about the crumbly dough, and my friend Helen who recommended the recipe to me also mentioned taking a bit of flour out if it didn't hold together for me. So when it rolled up easily and didn't fall apart when slicing it, I knew something had gone amok. I did a test run of only three cookies (I'm not a confident baker, usually for good reasons) and they melted into little black burned pools of chocolate and butter. I sliced off three more, thicker this time, and only cooked them for half the given time, watching them like a hawk. The photo on the left is the result, so not a bad attempt over all. Not having time to redo the dough before the sale, they will remain on my "to do" list until next time.

I am, somewhat alarmingly, becoming known as "the lady who makes cakes". Obviously this is entirely my fault, due to blog posts like this and various photos I've uploaded to Facebook. The thing is, I don't particularly like to bake. It's too specific and scientific, with no room to improvise - unless you're a confident baker, which I'm not. I feel a bit of a fraud when people compliment my baking talents because in my mind, I've simply found a good recipe that works. When I put together a savoury dish, I do feel I can claim it as my own. I might use a recipe for inspiration or get an idea from a cooking programme, but I tend to make things up as I go along and the dishes evolve over time. I don't mind adding a bit of this and that, omitting something, substituting another, adapting ingredients, or combining ideas from several recipes. When it comes to baking, I follow the recipe to the letter. I have to read and re-read the recipe several times, because I almost always miss a vital step. It's not intuitive to me, so I don't "know" what to do unless I've made it a million times before.

I am a lady who likes to eat cake, for sure. When I bake and it turns out well, I'm always surprised and pleased, which is why photos get posted and recipes get blogged. In my heart of hearts, I would much rather let someone else do the baking, preferably in a cafe setting that serves great coffee.

curry night

2010-08-14T12:17:00.000+01:00

There's something about Fridays that make me want to eat curry (and drink something large and alcoholic), so I decided to make one of our favourites and also try out a new dish. And have something large and alcoholic. Mojitos, if you're wondering.

I was watching "Saturday Kitchen" a while ago, and the Hairy Bikers were guests. They'd just finished filming a series in India and demonstrated how to make a South Indian prawn curry. It looked easy and tasty, and I gave it a go - it's since become one of our favourites. I normally make it with prawns but sometimes I add other fish (scallops, monkfish, salmon, etc - anything firm). I also make it with chicken thigh filets, which is what I did this time. You could use chicken breasts if you're not keen on thighs, but brown meat has infinitely more flavour and stays much more moist, and the caloric difference isn't very substantial. Here's the recipe as I made it last night:

Chicken Curry

1 onion, peeled and roughly chopped
1 green chilli, trimmed, seeds removed
2 garlic cloves, peeled
4cm/1½in piece fresh ginger, peeled
1 tbsp sunflower oil
12 fresh curry leaves (I use freeze dried)
1 tsp black mustard seeds
½ tsp ground fenugreek
pinch asafoetida
½ tsp ground turmeric
500g/1lb skinless, boneless chicken thighs, chopped into bitesize pieces
200ml/7fl oz coconut milk (I used one tin of Blue Dragon's "mini" coconut milk)
1 lime, juice only

To serve:

4 tbsp chopped fresh coriander (cilantro) leaves
1 lime, cut into wedges

Method:

Blend the onion, chilli, garlic and ginger to a paste in a food processor.
Heat the sunflower oil in a frying pan over a medium heat, add the curry leaves, mustard seeds and methi powder and fry for 20-30 seconds, or until fragrant.
Add the onion, chilli and garlic paste and fry over medium heat until it turns brown (keep an eye on this so it doesn't burn!)
Add the turmeric and coconut milk, and season. Cover and bring the mixture to a simmer for 10 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked. Remove from the heat and squeeze over the lime juice. Taste and adjust the seasoning if necessary, and add a little hot chilli powder or diced fresh chillis if you'd like a little more heat.
Garnish with the chopped coriander and lime wedges.

The mushroom dish was based on this curry recipe from the fantastic Mamta's Kitchen site (my "go to" site for anything Indian.) We're off the peas at the moment (too carby), so I substituted spinach which worked really well. Otherwise, I mostly followed the recipe as written (I used only 1tbsp of oil.)

The whole meal was under 400 calories, 5g net carbs. Oh and one mojito (sweetened with Stevia) is 60 calories and 0g of carbs. Just so's you know.

paleo/low carb/gluten free/whatever you wanna call it pizza

2010-07-06T14:44:00.001+01:00

I do try to eat a low carbohydrate diet when I can, not counting those times I have wine and cake (*cough*). There is a history of (pre and adult onset) diabetes in my family and being the apple-shaped gal that I am, I try to eat a low sugar diet to get the weight off and reduce the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. I'm not usually a fan of finding replacements for high carbohydrate dishes - don't even get me started on cauliflower "mashed potatoes" - but I came across a recipe today for flourless pizza, and thought I'd give it a go.

I love almond flour (ground almonds) and use it for baking and making pancakes. I stumbled across a recipe for pizza using ground almonds on Mark's Daily Apple, and curiosity got the better of me. I made some minor adjustments and used my favourite sauce recipe, and lo, pizza came out of my oven for the first time in a very long time. To my surprise and absolute delight, it tasted good. Obviously, this will never come close to proper pizza dough made with 00 flour and baked in a wood oven by someone who loves you a great deal, but it is a worthy substitute. I think this base would also work very well for a savoury tart (e.g. goat's cheese, tomato, basil, and caramelised onions) or for a sweet tart or cheesecake base (omit the salt from the dough recipe and add a little sugar/sugar substitute.)

Some tips before the recipe:

Add more sauce than you normally would for a wheat flour-based crust. The almonds absorb a lot of liquid, and the pizza can come out on the dry side if you don't use enough sauce.
This base has a very neutral taste. Unlike a traditional crust, you won't get much flavour from the dough. A traditional Margarita pizza, for example, probably won't work very well with this base. Go for big flavours in your toppings, like spicy meats, chillis, herbs, and strong cheeses.
The base will end up like a soft shortbread consistency. If you prefer a thick, chewy/grainy crust, don't press it out thinly. Once the pizza cools, the crust firms up quite a bit and becomes crispy on the outside.
I found this pizza to be quite filling. This recipe makes a pizza roughly the size of a dinner plate if you press the dough out fairly thinly, which I feel is enough for two people if you serve it with something on the side, like a salad.

Flourless Pizza

For the base:
1 cup almond flour/ground almonds
1 large egg
1 tbsp olive oil
Pinch of salt

For the sauce:
1 tin plum tomatoes
2 cloves garlic, peeled (left whole)
A few sprigs of fresh basil
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Method:
Preheat the oven to 180C and grease and/or line a baking sheet.

Combine the base ingredients in a bowl until it forms a firm ball (similar to a cookie dough consistency). Add more almond flour if necessary. Press the dough on to the baking sheet, forming a circle. Create a "lip" around the edge of the dough. (See photo, right.)

Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden brown. (See photo, left.) In the meantime, make the sauce. Add the olive oil and garlic to a saucepan over medium heat, and warm the oil until the garlic starts to sputter. Add the tin of tomatoes and basil. Let the tomatoes simmer for around 5 minutes, stirring and breaking up the tomatoes with a spoon. Pour the tomatoes through a coarse sieve, pressing it down to squeeze out all the juice. Pour the sieved tomato sauce back into the pan, and let the sauce simmer over medium-low heat until it's thickened. Season to taste.

To your cooked base, add the sauce and toppings of your choice. Return the pizza to the oven and bake for another 15 minutes, or until the cheese is bubbly. Remove from the baking sheet so that it doesn't stick to it as it cools.

Slice, serve, eat, and relish in the fact that you're eating pizza.

hooray for boobies*

2010-06-21T16:08:00.001+01:00

*(still gets my vote for Best Album Title Ever)

It's National Breastfeeding Awareness Week in my neck of the woods, which is a Department of Health initiative that aims to promote and support breastfeeding. I recently completed a training course to become a breastfeeding peer supporter, to lend mums a sympathetic ear and encouragement. Although I haven't managed to get my disorganised self a regular gig as a supporter yet, I did want to advertise the fact that this sort of thing exists - and may exist in your area, should you need it.

I didn't read anything about breastfeeding before I had Jack. I just assumed it would happen easily, and didn't really involve more than getting your boobs out and popping the baby on. I never thought about all the anxieties, mostly irrational, about my ability to feed my baby. Most things simply didn't occur to me until I actually breastfed.

I got off to a bad start with an unexpected c-section accompanied by a 10cm incision. Drugged, exhausted, somewhat in a state of shock, I suddenly had a newborn baby and holy crap, he wants food and I'm his only means of nutrition. I couldn't position him comfortably, and balanced him precariously on a nursing pillow while attempting to avoid putting pressure on my scar. He doesn't just latch on and feed; he sucks for a minute and pulls off screaming. And by the gods, what the HELL is this awful abdominal pain I'm feeling whenever he feeds? I'm in so much pain, I'm only on paracetamol (because morphine makes me want to throw up), and I can't sleep because I'm stuck in a hospital ward with five other mothers and five screamy babies. In the middle of the night, Jack keeps waking up to feed and I have no idea how to get him latched on. The midwives are so overworked that all they can do is come to my bed, plug Jack in, and quickly dash off to the next person. I don't know how they got him latched on and I'm terrified to move in case he detaches himself and I need to ring that goddamn bell again. In the days that follow, he continues to latch on (painfully) in very small spurts every couple of hours, screaming between feeds. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I don't know who I can speak to about it. Whenever Jack cried for a feed, I literally felt ill knowing that I'd have to endure a toe-curling latch and yet another unsuccessful feed. I watched the clock, horrified that two hours had passed so quickly, knowing that another feed was coming.

At two weeks, a health visitor (relocated now, thankfully), advised that I "top up" with formula. I gave Jack his first bottle of formula and it broke my heart. I rang Paul at work sobbing; I couldn't do something as basic as breastfeed, and the guilt was incredible. Supplementing, of course, led to supply issues and by two months, it became necessary to stop breastfeeding completely. Not having to breastfeed any more was actually a relief.

When I got pregnant with Mia, I was determined to learn as much as I could about breastfeeding and spoke to my midwife about needing support, especially in the first weeks. I went over everything that happened with Jack and chatted with mums in "real life" and online. I felt so much more prepared, but more importantly, I felt like I had an arsenal of information and support. Mia's birth was infinitely easier than Jack's, with no major recovery issues, and this undoubtedly made a difference to breastfeeding this time around. Also, not having that first time mum learning curve helped. I was more confident and trusted my instincts. I breastfed Mia until she self-weaned at 19 months (when I was pregnant with Isla, and I think my supply had dipped as Mia kept saying "Gone!" every time she latched on.) Isla is almost one, and breastfeeding has gone swimmingly since the beginning. And for this, I'm very grateful. And very proud.

This is why I jumped at the opportunity when the health visitor suggested that I take a course to become a peer supporter. I knew what it was like to have no one to speak to and to have no confidence in my own abilities, and I knew what it was like to formula feed. I hoped that this would help me give unbiased support and that being a "been there, done that" mum might make mums who are struggling feel a little bit more comfortable talking to me.

So if you're one of the struggling mums, or you have a question, a doubt, a worry, or just want to get together with another breastfeeding mum, please do get in touch with your midwife or health visitor and ask if there are peer supporters in your area. Additionally, you can ring the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212 or the NCT breastfeeding helpline on 0300 330 0771 any time of day or night.

i've only just begun

2010-06-07T10:59:00.001+01:00

I get incredibly enthusiastic about all sorts of things. I discover a hobby or come up with ideas that will make my life more organised, thrilling, and infinitely more interesting. I am fantastic at starting projects; I'm rubbish at actually completing any.

I am going to name and shame all of the unfinished business in my life at this point in time, with the hope that it will motivate me to get ~~everything~~ ~~most of it~~ something done. Eventually.

Training for a 5k in July.
Four knitting projects, one of which was started when I was pregnant with Mia.
Sewing projects: a banner for Jack's swimming badges and bibs for Isla. Should probably learn how to sew first. Good thing I bought all those "Learn to Sew" books that are sitting unopened on my overcrowded bookshelf. Which leads me to...
...read the stack of books on my nightstand and bookshelf.
Lose the two stone I've been meaning to lose for about, oh, 7 years now.
Project Declutter: may require a skip/dumpster. Or three.
Finish the scrapbooks I started for the kids. Make that, finish Mia's, start Jack and Isla's.
Do something with that belly cast from my Isla bump. I've got great ideas for it and all the materials. That's a start, right?
Construct bird-proof cages for my vegetable plants. I was going to start that this morning, but then I decided that sitting on the sofa with a latte sounded a little nicer.
Laundry. See above.
Sort out the garden. Specifically, dig up the weed-infested rockery. Am considering starting a new trend: Concrete Garden Hills.
Watch and review several DVDs for Think Parents.
Similarly, write up the California trip blog posts that are still sitting in draft form.
Do something about the freelance journalism idea. Like, maybe, WRITE SOMETHING?

Was that supposed to make me feel better? My tummy hurts now. I'd better make another latte.

meet the flintstones

2010-03-25T09:25:00.000Z

The power went out this morning. I said, "I'll do some sewing", which would have been a grand idea if my sewing machine had a battery back up. Ah. Yes. "I wish we had a stovetop kettle" I sighed, before realising several minutes later that a pot with water in it would do precisely the same thing. Then I remembered my beloved Bialetti espresso maker - I could make coffee! Except that I buy my beans whole and grind them in an electric mill.

THIS is what modern living has done to the human brain, people. No wonder the world's in such a state.

tally ho, jolly good, bob's your uncle

2010-03-22T11:43:00.000Z

So I did a terribly English thing recently that I've never done before: a car boot sale. To us North Americans, this is basically a yard sale out of the back of your car. Usually held at venues with large grassy areas or big parking lots, you drive your car up and you can literally pop open the trunk and sell your wares or you can set up a table. Ours was at the local cricket pitch, and I stumped up the five pounds to get my spot amongst the other sellers.

Just like back home, people swarmed the sale in the hour or so leading up to the "official" starting time. Looking for early bargains and the pick of the best ("best" being used very, very loosely in some cases) items, people crowded around my table rummaging through boxes and bags as I unloaded. "How much for this?", someone asked hurredly, waving something at me. "Erm, what is it? Oh, a sealed boxed set of books. Erm...um...£2?" I had no clue. I'd never done a sale like this here and really had no idea what to charge for anything, let alone be able to come up with prices as I was unloading the car. I quickly realised that I was severely undercharging, blurting out prices randomly. I hadn't even had my Thermos of tea yet, and there was the small matter of a baby in the back of my car who may or may not settle down to nap nicely in her seat during the sale. I had my float in a biscuit tin sitting in the boot, and a man peered over at it excitedly and said "Oooh I want to know what's in that!" "My change", I answered, at which point he left looking glum and probably went off to buy a solitary used running shoe in consolation.

A woman came up to browse through some girls' clothing I was selling, and I asked what size she was looking for. She pointed at her granddaughter and said, "She's 2 1/2". "Sure, I've got size 2 and 3 here. Would you like me to show you what I have?" The woman stared at me blankly for a moment and said "But she's 2 1/2" in a voice not dissimilar to something you'd expect to hear from Kathy Bates shortly before she whacked at your ankle with a large mallet. Dejected, she wandered away.

On the most part, people were kind and chatty, and we had a sunny (but brisk) day for it. Thankfully Isla slept through it all and my big Thermos full of tea kept me going. It was good fun, although not terribly profitable. I made £16, on top of the fiver I paid for the pitch. Rather annoyingly, I made £50 on eBay the following weekend, selling things from the comfort of my warm sofa and a glass of red in one hand. I suppose the benefit to a car boot is that you can get a little money for something that probably wouldn't sell on eBay (old books and DVDs, for example), but it means having to stand by the boot of your car chatting to people who are a little bit mad.

You know, experiences like this ought to count towards your British citizenship, not a silly multiple choice test about facts that even British people don't know about. When are you ever going to need to know what percentage of teenagers in Wales get pregnant each year? Car boot sales are one of the ultimate British experiences, along with pub lunches, discussing the weather at great length, and complaining about bad service to your family/friends but not actually saying anything to the people providing the bad service. All of this I can do with great skill, and yet I still need to take that damn test.

a very filmy catch up

2010-03-22T11:07:00.001Z

I'm such a naughty girl. I've been a part of Think Parents for ages now, and they've very kindly sent me a bazillion films that we've watched - but I've neglected to blog about. So, here are some reviews of the movies we've seen, with many apologies to the lovely gang at Think Parents.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

The Disney film that started it all, the first feature-length animated film has come to Blu-ray. They've jazzed up the colours and backgrounds, and added some effects (like rippling water) that are conspicuously out of place. There is an option to watch the film in its original format (i.e. with a lot of black space around it to fit modern television ratios), or an option to watch it in "picture frame" format with backgrounds to compliment the film and fill in the black space.

It is, without a doubt, hugely dated. Even Jack (who's 5) immediately spotted that it was an old film. However, both Jack and Mia sat through the entire film and enjoyed it. Myself, on the other hand, wanted to rip my ears off after five minutes or so. The songs aren't exactly catchy (the dwarfs' songs being the exception, obviously) and the vibrato helium-sucking voice of Snow White should never, ever be inflicted on anyone. It's, sadly, one of those films that the kids may like but the adults will wander away to do the washing up or regrout the bathroom.

The bonus features include a Disney sing-a-long and game for the kids and, for the adults, a film showing how the original film was made.

Diamond Edition Featurette: Creating Snow White
http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e56391&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Clip: Whistle While You Work
http://www.totaleclips.com/player/Splash.aspx?custid=1064&clipid=e56385&playerid=69&affiliateid=-1&bitrateid=378&formatid=10

Santa Buddies, G-Force and Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure

Santa Buddies: terrible storyline, terrible script, terrible acting, but the kids absolutely loved it. It's almost the end of March and they still force us to put it on for them. It's dogs and Christmas - Jack and Mia couldn't ask for much more in a film. (and they won't get it in this one)

G-Force: another "cripes, is it over yet?" film for the grown-ups but again, the kids adore it. To be fair, it's got its moments and is slightly more clever than most kids' films out there. It does have a unique storyline and is filled with fighting spy rodents. Again, the kids couldn't ask for more.

Tinker Bell: Mia adores this one! It's actually good fun, the animation is fantastic (and is especially impressive in crisp, vibrant Blu-ray format), and I don't mind watching this one repeatedly. Think Parents sent along a pack of goodies to go with the film, so we could host our own Tinker Bell movie viewing party. As Mia was a little young for this, we've saved the Tink gear for her birthday this summer. She's a big fan, so she'll love the invites, napkins, etc.

And last, and certainly nowhere near least, the magnificent film Up. We saw this in the cinema, and the first 20 minutes made me cry. Then I laughed. Then I laughed a lot more. We got this on Blu-ray, watched it at home, and the first 20 minutes made me cry again. Then I laughed a lot again. And again. And again. (We've seen this film a few times now, to put it mildly.)

It's worth every ounce of hype it's received. Like "Wall-E", the beginning is mostly without dialogue, telling the story simply with beautiful animation and music. It's laugh out loud funny (the dogs are brilliant), genuinely moving, and thoroughly enjoyable. It's not as good/slick/innovative as "Wall-E", but I don't know if that was ever its intention. Kudos to Pixar for coming up with yet another film that we, as parents, will be forced to watch a billion times but we won't mind a jot.

Some clips:

Dug the dog

Russell meets Kevin

Russell

happy twenty-ten !

2010-01-01T21:41:00.000Z

Thought I'd given up this blogging lark, eh? Thought I'd forgotten all about you, eh? Boo! Here I am!

On this, the first day of the year, I wanted to share something I thought would be relevant as many make resolutions to better our lives. I came across an article called Ten Psychology Studies from 2009 Worth Knowing About, which really put some things into perspective for me. Well, most of the article did - the point about playing Tetris after witnessing a traumatic event wasn't terribly useful, to be honest. The study that resonated the most with me was the one about experiences making us happier than possessions. How simple yet profound: we get bored with material objects but experiences stay special forever. Granted, we can all probably think of one or more items we own that are precious and incredibly special to us, but if we're talking about splurging on an xBox, iPhone, or other things that contain upper and lower case letters in random combinations, the novelty wears off after a period of time. But if you think back to places you've been, things you've done, meals eaten, laughs shared, your firsts, your lasts, and all the in-between, the memories provide an emotional response you'll never get from a possession. These memories also tend to improve with time, as proven by the fact that no one seems to remember that late pregnancy and childbirth is pretty damn uncomfy (until you do it again, and then you say to yourself "Oh, yeah. Shit.")

Thus, if you're wondering what to suggest for that next birthday present or thinking about treating yourself, opt for an experience. If anyone's asking, I would very much like a spa weekend in a remote luxury resort that has a michelin-starred restaurant. Thanking you in advance.

the world must be ending, because i have crafted

2009-11-20T10:48:00.000Z

So thank the gods that Caroline passed along a Bo Peep costume because what the HELL was I thinking? I never would have had time to make pantaloons, but - and this is the scary part - I did manage to make the hat. Me! I sewed something! Without a pattern! Amazingly, it only went slightly wrong. Hat v. 1 went in the bin because I didn't pull the elastic tight enough. Hat v. 2 is the one in the photo, and I'm so pleased (and astounded) at how well it turned out. It did end up being ever so slightly too small (I had to make it when Mia was in bed, so couldn't do a fitting), but it'll do the job for today. Oh and note to self: do the hem/lace border BEFORE sewing the elastic in next time. You goob.

Jack wore blue to school today for Anti Bullying day. As soon as I told him he could wear something blue, the Ben10 t-shirt appeared with a huge grin. When I told Mia that she was going to wear a costume today, she shouted "YAY! Costume!" She was thrilled to be Little Miss "Muffin".

And so, I have crafted. And no one got hurt. I know; I'm scared, too.

i am not martha stewart

2009-11-16T12:04:00.001Z

I'm going to attempt to sew this week. Mia's nursery is fundraising for Children in Need on Friday; they're having the kids dress up as nursery rhyme characters for sponsorship. I got the bright idea to dress her up as Little Miss Muffet, then got the even brighter idea to sew a little cap and bloomers for the costume. How hard could it be, I asked myself? The hat's going to be like a shower cap with a frilly lace border, and the bloomers are simple trousers with an elastic waist and lace cuffs. Yup. Simple.

What I need to remind myself is that I'm not crafty, no matter how much I'd like to think I have some sort of (deeply) hidden talent for such things. I did three scrapbook pages for Mia and lost interest, but I still quite like all the sparkly bits and sticky letters I bought for it. I have three unfinished knitting projects on the go, and without exagerrating, one of them has gone from a birth present to a first birthday present. I have an undecorated belly cast shoved up on a shelf in a closet. The last time I tried to decorate cupcakes, the decorations stuck to the plate and crumbled into dust when I tried to remove them. I am not crafty. I must be stopped.

Ooh but you know, that fabric advent calendar I saw looks like a cinch to make. How hard could it be?

wazzup

2009-10-23T12:27:00.000+01:00

So, what have I been up to lately? I've been knitting tiny little hats for chariddy, which is a bit ridiculous considering the fact that I've got three embarassingly late projects still on the needles. I'm not kidding. I still haven't finished a blanket I started knitting when I was pregnant with Mia. I'm hoping that the tiny hats knitting will inspire me to finish the other projects. Now that the weather's gone cold and rainy, knitting indoors doesn't seem like a bad way to spend a little time each day.

Speaking of the weather, I actually enjoy it when it starts to get cooler because it means it's crockpot, stew, and slow roasting time. I love summer food - meats and fish grilled on the BBQ, salads, plates of cold meat and cheese - but there's something so comforting about autumnal foods. Everything slows down, we spend more time at home (or at least I do now that I'm on leave), and what I cook reflects this. Slow roasted shoulder of lamb and pork, beef and Guinness stew, braised beef skirt, chicken curry, a big pot of chilli simmering on the stove. Roasted butternut squash, sauteed kale, roasted carrots. Things made from pumpkin, roast chicken, homemade soup. The sort of food you want to take to bed with you and cuddle under the duvet. Which I don't do, because I'm clumsy and would end up with a bedful of dinner. And it would be a little bit weird.

I took Jack to see "Up" last weekend, and it was wonderful. Very similar to Wall-E with its quieter moments and several scenes without dialogue, and beautifully rendered. It's not quite as innovative as Wall-E in terms of storyline and concept, but it's still a fantastic alternative to the usual mindless kiddie fare. I also recommend "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs", which isn't nearly as thought-provoking, but is hilarious and brilliantly animated. Thank the gods that children's films are often bearable and even enjoyable for adults these days.

And we've all had a stomach bug (minus Jack.) That is all.

october 15

2009-10-15T17:18:00.000+01:00

Lighting a candle tonight for "Squeak" and all the other little ones lost, at 7pm tonight. For more info, see http://www.october15th.com/.

where's this blog going? (and will it send me a postcard?)

2009-10-13T10:50:00.001+01:00

Okay, so here I am finally updating this woefully out of date blog. Hi. How have you been? Great, me too.

I've come to realise that this blog was becoming a "what are my kids up to now" type of thing, which isn't interesting to that many people and was getting more difficult to update. I'm going to keep track of all the milestones and funny/cute/interesting things my kids are saying and doing, but probably not on this blog. I don't particularly want to maintain an electronic baby book. The day-to-day funnies tend to get included with my Facebook statuses (statii?), and I think I'll keep it that way. This isn't to say that I won't ever talk about my kids on this blog - that would be impossible - but it's not the only thing I want to talk about and I don't really want this to specifically be a "mummy blog".

This will be a more general blog about whatever's drifting around my addled brain. It might be mummy-related, it might be food-related (most likely), or it could be about a more general issue like why the hell those Irish twins made it to the final three on "X Factor". Seriously, what was Louis thinking?! It's a joke; surely some genuinely talented groups didn't make it through as a result. What was I talking about? Oh, yes. The blog.

It's nothing too earth-shattering, really. I just wanted to let anyone who's still reading this know what's up and that I will indeed still blog. Ithankyew.

boo!

2009-10-13T09:08:00.000+01:00

You may have noticed that my usual link now points to my revamped blog on Blogger. This is fine. Don't panic. I've just decided to transfer everything to Blogger to keep life simple and to reduce the bandwidth/data storage on my main server (which costs me money). The wittydomainname domain will live on, and I may do something with it one day, but for now everything will be here on Blogger. Old links will point to this page, so no need to update bookmarks unless you want to be extra tidy.

More blogging to come as soon as I'm done feeding Isla. One-handed typing is such a pain!

2009-09-12T21:17:00.000+01:00

super duper monsters!

We had the pleasure of receiving a copy of the film "Monsters Inc" on fancypants Blu-ray to review. We had an older copy already that had been watched a zillion times and was well-loved, so Jack was incredibly excited to see a new edition arrive in the post. However, the excitement turned to disappointment when he realised that it wasn't actually a new "Monsters Inc" film. "It's the same movie," he said sadly. 4-year-olds simply don't appreciate the technological thrill of Blu-ray, I tell you.

Despite the sadness, we all enjoyed the film for the zillionth and one time. I was very much looking forward to comparing the quality of the animation to the original, and it really was wonderful. Sully's fur was one of the earliest successful renditions of hair in CGI (hair is notoriously difficult to animate realistically, along with fabric and light), and it looked even more vibrant and lustrous in Blu-ray. There is an amazing depth to Blu-ray films, and the difference is obvious for this particular film. It's almost like watching it in 3D. Very impressive and worth getting a new copy on Blu-ray. My complaint about a lot of these Disney Blu-ray re-releases is that many of them just don't benefit from the new format. This one does, in spades.

The film itself has always been one of my favourites. In fact, I first saw it in the cinema with friends long before I had kids. We all laughed out loud and I'm a little ashamed to admit that even back then the last few scenes made me teary. It's everything you expect in a good Pixar film: witty dialogue, an imaginative storyline, and something to keep both children and adults entertained.

Here's the "official" blurb from the Disney folks themselves (therefore, any spelling/grammatical errors are theirs entirely, I must hasten to add):

The Disney Blu-ray disc is known as ‘magic in high definition’ – the picture quality is far superior to that of a DVD and the capacity for interactive extras is greater (basically you get more to play around with). Blu-ray Players also have what’s known as ‘backwards capability’ which means you can watch your old DVD’s on them too – so if you do decide you’re ready to upgrade from your DVD player you won’t have stacks of unwanted DVD’s lying around!

And some excerpts to enjoy:

2009-09-08T21:26:00.000+01:00

P.S.

Oooh and I forgot to mention an important milestone - Mia's toilet training! She started the bank holiday weekend (nice weather/lots of time spent outdoors + in-laws here to lend a hand = good time to ditch the nappies) and has been doing really well. After two days of lots of accidents, she seemed to get the hang of it. Now she can stay dry the whole day, as long as we don't leave it too long between toilet visits - especially when we're out and about. But remarkably, she now tells us she needs the toilet and even takes herself and gets started on her own. That kid will do anything for stickers, I tell you. I'm very proud of my big girl!

2009-09-08T16:56:00.000+01:00

two

Two months old! TWO MONTHS old! I'll blink and she'll be driving my car next! Amazing. Isla is a lovely, happy little baby and (please please please don't let me jinx this) she's been sleeping really well at night. Generally she has a feed at around 11pm, then wakes anywhere from 5-6am. A nice block of sleep keeps mummy sane. She's smiley and chit-chatty, cuddly, and sweet. I still stare at her sometimes and marvel that she's ours. Look what we made! Aren't genes neat?

My first baby, my big boy, started school last Friday. I cried, just a little - and waited to do so until after he was safely out of sight in his classroom to avoid embarrassing him (yet.) He loves school, and I'm so glad. He's only on short days for this week, but he comes home totally exhausted from using his brain much more than usual. His daily report on what he did at school that day usually involves who got in trouble and what they did, minute detail about what was consumed for lunch, and the fact that he received no time outs. I love that his day now has some sort of structure and that he's in very capable hands. He's made new friends already, and greets me at the end of the day with a huge running-start hug and a smile to match. His teacher is lovely; in fact, everyone we've met at the school so far has been lovely. Even the other mums chitchat to me. Really! Friendly small talk! After all these years of being snubbed by various mothers in various settings, I'm now being approached and spoken to! Oh, I'm all agog.

We're still working out the routine, sorting out how to get three children (and myself) ready for the day. School means having to be somewhere at a precise time, so I need to get my butt in gear every day. But having said this, I absolutely love doing the school run. Jack, Isla, and I walk to school together, having a nice chat during some very rare "alone" (I realise Isla's there with us, but she's not really contributing much to the conversation, bless her) time. I love our conversations; they're hilarious and sometimes surreal. Jack found a tile spacer (it's plastic and cross-shaped) on the pavement on the way home. Holding it so it looked like a plus sign, he said, "If you hold it this way, it's Jesus' cross." Turning it slightly on an angle, he said, "If you hold it this way, it's where you find treasure." Funny 'cos it's true. Incidentally, I'm wondering when the nice Church of England school people will discover that we're not at all religious. We'll just lay low for now. Shhhh.

It's good to have something to force me to be up and ready for the day by a certain time, and it's wonderful to have a morning stroll each day. Blows away the cobwebs, as they say.

I've got a million and one (some of them non-mummy) blog posts whirring around in my foggy-brained head, that I will get around to typing out at some point. Maybe next week when Jack's on full days. I definitely need to do a Blu-ray review soon, so expect that in the next day or so!

2009-08-26T12:56:00.000+01:00

whooooooooooosh

Whoa. There went another three weeks. Dude, where's my time? This is seriously getting scary.

So, since last time, Isla's given us her first smile (at four weeks), we've had lots of fun days and evenings with friends, and Isla's already outgrown a whole set of clothing. So long newborn, hello 0-3. At the last weigh in a week ago, she was 11 lbs...which is what Mia weighed at 3 months. Yup.

We had our six week appointment with a new lady doctor who was lovely, but slightly irritating. "You're VERY brave!" she gasped when reading my notes and seeing I had a home birth, followed by another wide-mouthed expression of shock when I informed her that I breastfed Mia for 19 months. Yes, I know that homebirths and extended breastfeeding are quite rare but she's a doctor, for goodness sake. She really shouldn't be so dumbstruck by these notions. What's interesting is that I've received the most understanding about my mad hippy ways from elderly women. None have been taken aback about Isla being born at home, almost all of them ask "Are you feeding her yourself?", and many have been complimentary about my sling, saying what a clever idea it is. A lot of what we now consider the norm is actually quite recent, in terms of modern history. Formula feeding and hospital births have only become common since the 2nd world war, so I think this is why many older women aren't fazed at all by what's now become unusual. All this to say, it's been nice to chat to people who don't think I'm a complete lunatic.

Life has been good. Hectic, but good. I'm in the midst of some strange postnatal nesting phase, scrubbing things down, clearing out cupboards, organising, and getting around to all those things that have been sadly neglected for months. I've hacked back the jungle that was our garden (and many thanks to Paul for digging up that hideous grass stuff around the pond and tidying up the border), cleaned out the pantry and kitchen cupboards (farewell bottle of tarragon that expired in 2005), gone through the kids' toys and books and donated unused things to charity, put the kids' toys in the lounge in large plastic boxes (I discovered that the kids would get out every toy and dump it two seconds later when they were out in open boxes), cleared out my wardrobe, and put together a stack of stuff ready for eBay. I've backed up my photos on to DVD - frighteningly, I hadn't done this since the end of last year. I bought decorating supplies to finish up the belly cast with the kids. I finally put a live plant in the pot by the front door (now taking bets to see how long it survives.) I planted more veg for the autumn season. I made a huge batch of roasted vegetable salsa from the lovely tomatoes I've harvested from the plant my father-in-law gave me. I might even get around to finishing that blanket I started to knit when I was pregnant with Mia. Whoop!

Good thing I just got a Bialetti coffee maker to keep myself powered by lattes.

2009-08-05T10:23:00.000+01:00

one month

Four weeks have gone by since Isla's birth, and I really have no clue where the time has gone. Paul returned to work today; it truly doesn't feel like he's been off for a month. On the plus side, if time keeps flying as it has, Christmas and our holiday to California next Easter will be here before we know it. Isla is brilliant and I swear her eyes are turning brown already. I seem to recall that Jack's had a hint of brown quite early on as well. My little milk guzzler is one ounce shy of 10lbs (although this was a week ago, so she's likely over 10lbs now) which means she put on 10oz since the week before. I might be crazy (no, really!) but I think she's been smiling at me. Not gas, I mean proper smiling. I'm sure I got some true smiles from her over the weekend. Whatever they are, they're adorable.

Her sleep is still unpredictable, although she tends to only wake once during the night on the most part. If I feed her at 11 or midnight, she usually wakes again at 2 or 3, then again at 6 or 7 which is when I get up for the day (along with the rest of the house.) So, I'm still not getting a huge amount of sleep but it's better than nothing - or the nights when she wakes every 1 or 2 hours, as she did on Monday night. Breastfeeding continues to go well, although I find it strange how awkward it was at first (and still is a bit). I forgot how difficult it can be to get a newborn latched on and stay latched on, and how it's a little trickier to get the baby into a good position because of their lack of head control. It's made feeding in public very fumbly at times, and oddly, I sometimes find myself feeling very self conscious about it. I was sitting right at the front window at Loch Fyne restaurant in Bluewater on Monday, breastfeeding away. Once Isla was latched on and I got my clothing arranged around her, I was fine. But at first, I felt very awkward and paranoid that people were staring aghast at this woman with her boob out (although it wasn't) in a restaurant. It's funny how I got to the point of not caring at all with Mia and have reverted to feeling shy about breastfeeding with Isla.

I finally realised that the painful latching I've experienced with all three children in the first two weeks has nothing to do with the latching itself - it's from "let down". I could never figure out why breastfeeding hurt so much when midwives were assuring me that my latch was absolutely fine. All the books claim that if it hurts, you're not doing it right. Well bully to the books, because I figured out that the initial, toe-curling pain I used to get with each latch was from the milk coming in. The tingly sensation you get when the milk starts to flow is usually painless (maybe a little uncomfy, but not enough to make you gasp) but for some reason, mine is very painful for the first two weeks. It feels like sharp pins and needles right behind my nipples that subsides after a moment, and after chatting to Jane about it, I found out that this isn't unusual and does tend to go away after two weeks or so. Who knew? So anyway, the pain is gone now and for those of you experiencing the same thing (or who may once they give birth), just try to get through those first couple of weeks and know that it will probably get a whole lot better soon after. And Lansinoh is your best friend.

I'm experimenting with various cloth nappies for Isla as I attempt to find something economical and effective. Mia's still in nappies although I'm hoping it won't be for much longer. In the meantime, Isla can't really Mia's nappies because I don't have enough for both, and I really don't want to spend much on new ones for only a few months' use. I think I'm going to use bamboo squares, as they seem to be absorbent enough and fairly inexpensive. Terry squares are another option I'm going to try, and they're even cheaper - around £1-2 per nappy. I love them...they make Isla look like the baby on the Fairy soap packaging.

My big girl had her very first haircut last week in Nanna's kitchen by a lovely lady called Angela who cuts my mother-in-law's hair. Although Mia wasn't too keen on the concept at first, she quickly went very quiet and sat still while Angela cut her hair. For the next few days, she couldn't stop talking about "my haircup!" I've got one of Mia's "curls" to stick in the baby book now. She looks so different with a fringe. At least she's looking a lot less mullety now that the back and front have been shortened a little. My little pixie!

We had a lovely break down at the in-laws' and did quite a bit while we were away. We went to Howlett's zoo (the gorilla enclosure is fantastic), met up with a friend and her adorable boy at the Museum of Kent Life (which is very much like Thurleigh Farm, the kids loved it), had a cream tea, ate lots of yummy BBQ food at my brother and sister-in-laws', took Jack to see "G-Force" and ate at Loch Fyne, and managed to catch a little bit of sunshine during our stay.

So, today it's just Isla and I as life returns to normal. Now we find a new routine and settle into life as a family of five. And maybe try to get a little sleep in between.

2009-07-19T16:39:00.000+01:00

in brief

Good stuff:

Loving breastfeeding again. I missed it.

Getting little blocks of sleep in between feeds.

I've lost 1st 8lbs (22 lbs) since Isla's birth. I think I'll only have about 1st (14lbs) to lose once all the water weight is out of me.

My feet look normal again and my rings are back on my finger.

Overhearing a young guy at Tesco on a crowded Saturday shouting in frustration "See, THIS is why I do my shopping online!!"

Not having to pay for parking at Hinchingbrooke Hospital.

Mia saying "I love you" to me and asking for "tuddles".

Jack telling me that I'm his best mummy.

Sucky stuff:

I've got a bad cold (I think) and feel pretty rough. I'm very afraid of swine flu, not for me, but for Isla.

The weather. Apparently summer's over now.

The distinct lack of anything interesting on television lately.

Smoked brie from Sainsburys. It doesn't taste of smoke and the brie itself isn't very nice. Definitely give this one a miss.

There are things I need to do/plant in the veg patch, but the weather won't let me. The veg patch taunts me from the kitchen window daily.

Not getting around to booking that last pedicure before Isla arrived.

Still having to wear maternity clothes.

2009-07-14T09:48:00.000+01:00

day 6

Well, what a (almost) week Isla's had! Since my last post, she's sprouted a bellybutton (her cord stump fell off at some point on Sunday night), had her first bath, sorted out a 4 hourly feeding routine (fingers crossed), and received her NHS number so she's officially In The System in terms of healthcare. She had her GP check on Friday, after much confusion on the part of a receptionist whose brain exploded trying to figure out how to cope with a lack of paperwork because I used an independent midwife. The doctor was absolutely fantastic with her (I think he may have done the 6 week check for Mia and I) and Mia had a grand time playing with toys and making the doctor's table go up and down. Bed goes up, bed goes down.

Breastfeeding is going well. As I mentioned, Isla has discovered the joys of a full milky meal (vs. the superfood snack of colostrum) and feeds every 4 hours or so. My milk came in overnight late Thursday, and I'm so thrilled that engorgement has passed me by again this time. I don't even leak, which is very odd for me. Odd, but good. I've had two nights with little stretches of unbroken sleep, which has been bliss. Although it takes her quite a while to feed (around 45 minutes in total, including a nappy change), she feeds well and it keeps her belly full for a few hours. It really does make a world of difference when you can doze for a good three hours in a row.

On Saturday, I had my usual Day 3 Postnatal Hormonal Crash. This is the point at which something awful happens hormonally (no clue what - probably a big drop in pregnancy hormones, which I also experienced on day 3 after miscarrying) that causes you to turn into a lunatic for a short while. It's like PMS times a thousand with really bad jet lag. I was so exhausted; I couldn't even see straight. I had zero patience for anything, and every tiny thing stressed me out to no end. Despite this, I was fine when friends came to visit although I didn't feel entirely coherent. I didn't have a great night on Saturday, but felt a million times better on Sunday morning. We went to our local pub to meet up with friends for a birthday celebration and post fun run BBQ. It was a brilliant, brilliant afternoon. The weather was gorgeous, Isla got attention and cuddles from loads of people, and the kids (all THREE of them) had the best sleep that night in ages. Yesterday, we ventured out to Tesco in Bar Hill where I ran, with arms outstretched, towards the cheese aisle and filled our trolley with soft and/or unpasturised treats. If I could, I would have leapt into the air, done a somersault, and dived headfirst into the brie section. As we walked down the next aisle, I realised that I could also now have cured meats. With glee, I grabbed packages of salami, parma ham, and cured beef. Lunch was mighty, mighty fine let me tell you.

Now, about her name. To save a bit of time and confusion, please note that:
a) Her name is pronounced "eye-lah", like Isla Fisher the actress.
b) No, she wasn't named for Isla Fisher.
c) No, we didn't realise that Isla is an anagram of Lisa until after she was born and Paul was typing it out.

I can't tell you how many times all of these points have come up. It doesn't upset me at all, it's just funny because none of this crossed our minds since we came up with her name several months ago. It never occurred to me that people wouldn't know how to pronounce Isla (particularly our American family and friends) and I most definitely didn't name her "after" me! 'Cos you know, if I wanted to do that, she'd just be Lisa Junior. Or Lisa the Second. Or Lisette? Perhaps Mini Me. Her middle name, Catherine, is after my mom (although she's a Catharine, after St Catharine's, Ontario, her birthplace) and Paul's late Nan. If this baby was a boy, he would have been Ewan Michael (although I was also leaning towards Ewan Andrew.) We came up with Isla and Ewan by going through baby name web sites and happened to pick two Scottish names. The selection of Ewan may have been slightly influenced by my "admiration" for Ewan McGregor, I admit. Michael is both Paul and his Dad's middle name and I've always had a positive association with that name. We also contemplated Andrew after Paul's oldest brother.

And that now brings you up to date. Like I said, busy week.

2009-07-10T22:01:00.000+01:00

day two

Wow, still reeling from the transition of going from baby in belly to baby out of belly. When I woke in the very early hours of Wednesday morning, one of my first thoughts was how sad I'd be to not be pregnant anymore. Although I was ready - REALLY ready - to give birth and feeling hugely uncomfortable, knowing it was my final few hours of being pregnant was very bittersweet. But right now, I rejoice in the lack of heartburn, I embrace the absence of stabbing pubic bone pain, and I'm giddy knowing that I can climb the stairs and get out of bed to go to the loo without grimacing in agony. My feet are almost normal size again. I rolled on my tummy last night, just because I can (although it felt very weird on my partially-deflated belly and I couldn't sleep like that). I ATE A WHOLE WEDGE OF BRIE. Celebrate good times, c'mon!

Now, the following paragraph shouldn't be read if you're eating nor should it be read by anyone who hasn't given birth or the squeamish. Today, my biggest accomplishment has been achieved: The First Post Partum Poo. Some of you will nod your head sagely in agreement (and some will be saying out loud, "Is this woman blogging about HER OWN POO?!?!"), the first toilet trip after a birth is always the scariest. After I had Jack, no one informed me that a spinal block does exactly that - it cements you up for a good week afterwards. I was so terrified to go to the toilet for fear of my stitches bursting open like that scene in "Empire Strikes Back" when Luke slices open that alien llama thingy to climb inside. After I had Mia, I was nervous because I had a tear and no matter how many times Laura reassured me that it was impossible to do any further damage to the tear, it was still very scary. Also, the pushing brought back some negative flashbacks to the chaos from the birth. This time, I was a pro. A real poop trooper. I went, and it was fine. And there was much rejoicing.

Right, so those of you who left us a paragraph ago, please feel free to rejoin the group. Welcome back! Isla is fabulous, she's got a shock of jet black hair and a look on her face that says "But it was really nice in there. Why did you make me come out?" Jack is wonderful with her, doting on Isla as much as he did with Mia. He gently strokes her head and gives her kisses, and loves to cuddle her. Mia takes somewhat of an interest in her, but I don't think she really knows what to make of her. So far, her interactions with her little sister have involved poking all of her facial features while identifying them (e.g. "Isla's eye. Isla's cheek. Isla's hair.") and picking up every object that belongs to her and asking "What's that?" I think maybe she'll grow on Mia eventually.

I've had no sleep in three nights, so I'm feeling incredibly exhausted and unable to cope well with three little ones. Thankfully Paul has been getting more sleep than I have, and has been absolutely wonderful at taking over a lot of the work, making sure I keep some of my sanity. Until Isla works out that the big yellow thing in the sky means it's time to be awake and the big grey thing in the sky means it's time to sleep, I'm going to have quite a few more sleepless night. And on that note, I better go upstairs and try to shut my eyes for a few minutes before the night shift starts.

2009-07-08T20:33:00.000+01:00

here she is...

Very proudly introducing Isla Catherine, born at home today at 1:30pm. Amazingly, she weighed in at 8lbs 11 1/2 oz. Who knew I was growing such a big bird in there?! No wonder I was having problems walking anywhere in the last weeks. Stretched out abs combined with a heavy baby means walking like a cowboy. Anyway, she's here. She's absolutely beautiful. And I'm so happy.

I told Paul to get the pool as close to ready as possible. I knew this wasn't going to fizzle out and that I would give birth today. I ate some toast and cheese with Jack, had some tea, and more toast with jam a little later. It was all I could stomach, but I knew I had to have something in my belly or else it would be like running a marathon after a fast.

Jane arrived at around 9:30 this morning, when contractions were every 3 minutes or so but still manageable. The pain was very low (mostly around the area of the pelvis at the front where you'd feel SPD pain) but would sometimes shift to my lower back...which of course had me worried because of the back labour fear. I asked Jane if it was normal to feel contractions in the back even if the baby isn't posterior, and she reassured me that it was. Oh how lovely to have her there; she held my lavender wheat pack thingy to my back during contractions, gently stroked my back, and told me how brilliantly I was doing. And you know, I did do brilliantly. I'm so proud at how well I coped this time. No screaming, no hysteria, and far, far less pain felt. Even Mr. TENS became my good friend and actually worked. Maybe it was because I avoided back labour and maybe it was because labour build up gradually, but I coped. I made low, primal noises through the strongest contractions and breathed my way through the weaker ones. I think towards the end I did something resembling Inuit throat singing (but done very badly and only singing about four notes over and over), but it got me through. In between contractions (yes! I had breaks!!), I was perfectly lucid and felt absolutely fine. I cannot be anywhere near giving birth, I thought. I feel far too good. But then my pelvis felt very heavy during contractions and I was starting to get the urge to push. Already? Nah!

I wasn't desperate to get into the pool this time, I just felt it was time. To my surprise, I pushed through the next contraction and felt a very small pop - for the first time, I felt my waters break. It was like a small bubble breaking, probably because I was in the water (how tidy!) Jane told me that I had meconium in my waters, which meant it would be best if I birthed on dry land. She said the baby's heart rate was absolutely fine and stable, but I was worried. I knew that meconium was bad, and I worried that if I couldn't get this baby out fast enough, it would mean a hospital transfer. I was nervous about birthing out of the pool; I love the privacy and comfort of the warm water. I stood at first, leaning on the side of the pool for the next contraction then leaning on the sofa for the one following. I stood in a squatting position, and it was really not comfy. I pushed and pushed, and by this point, I did scream a little because I was afraid. I looked down and saw more meconium had come out, and I cried "My baby...please...be okay, baby". Jane suggested that I get on my knees and rest my upper body on the sofa, and that was better. I was still panicked and just wanted to get the baby out safely, so in between grunting and growling in frustration, I shouted "COME ON, BABY!!"

Not that shocking when you know her weight, but at the time I was taken aback at how difficult it was to push her out and how much it was hurting. I do think the panic made it worse though. Jane told me to breathe through the contractions instead of pushing, and let them do the work of getting her head out - which worked like a charm. She pressed a warm flannel against my perineum as Isla's head crowned, and it felt fantastic. The next contraction, her body started to come out...and that's when Jane noticed that the cord was around her neck. She got her untangled, and I pushed her out with the next contraction. Isla cried right away and scored a 9 on her first Apgar, so she passed with flying colours. Jane told me to go back on my heels and she passed Isla to me through my knees. "It's a girl!" I said in a slight state of shock. We'd been so sure she would be a boy. "Hello beautiful girl. My beautiful girl!" I said over and over.

I sat with her for a while, coaxed her to feed (which she did, brilliantly), and had a lovely cuddle. Paul asked what I wanted to eat, and I requested two runny poached eggs on toast. Beeyootiful. I had a shower, but really didn't feel as great as I did after I had Mia. I hurt. Quite a lot, and still do. My stomach feels like I've done 1,000 crunches, my back is a little sore, I'm still walking like a cowboy, and I'm exhausted. The afterpains are much stronger (which is apparently common with each birth), so when I feed Isla I feel like I'm in early labour again. Even when I'm not feeding her, I'm getting strong period pains every now and then.

But having said that, and having gone through my notes to see how quickly everything went, I'm really pleased. Exhausted, but pleased. And on that note, my little girl is calling and so is my bed.

2009-07-08T08:05:00.000+01:00

hello again

Hoo boy, these contractions are getting much more uncomfy. It feels like trapped wind (gas) - rather sharp, but all concentrated low down. I'm guessing these contractions are helping me dilate/efface and that's why I'm feeling everything very low. Still coming every 5 mins or so, but I'm now feeling more pressure with each one. I've just had a bloody show too, so this is all good. Feeling pretty nauseous at the moment, which isn't filling me with joy. I've got tea, toast, and Ranitidine in my system so hopefully that'll keep my stomach happy. What I'm not feeling (so far) is intense back pain - fingers crossed. My lower back does ache, but the wheaty microwavy pack thingy is working well.

I'm tired, though. I don't know if it's possible to rest, but I think I need to try.

2009-07-08T06:20:00.000+01:00

what's happenin'

Still having contractions 5 mins apart, but they're getting stronger. I can breathe through them fairly easily and talk through them (sort of). I'm eating and drinking while I've still got the stomach for it, and just chilling as much as possible.

Jack is adorable - he's been up since 5 (Mia cried out and woke him up) and he's so excited. Paul inflated the pool and Jack "helped" by tidying up his toys. He was talking about the baby and speculating about when he (Jack keeps referring to the baby as a "he" now) will appear. He's been taking photos with his camera, so at least this time I'll have pictures of me in early labour! I am determined to get more photos this time, for sure.

Whoa, they're getting stronger. Better tell Paul to fill the pool, even if just part way. There ain't no way I'm getting in that thing fully dilated when it's still filling, I can tell you that right now.

2009-07-08T03:55:00.000+01:00

something...maybe? or gas

It's 3:56am and I'm downstairs with a microwaved lavender pack thingy on my back and feeling crampy. Nothing too dramatic and even though I'm timing the pains (Contraction Master now has an application for the iPhone and Touch, whee!), they're not really distinct enough to call contractions. I can feel them start, but no clear finish; the cramping lingers and fades away very, very gradually to a dull, period pain type thing. I did manage to get a couple of hours of sleep upstairs, but the cramping kept waking me up. I felt a strong need to come down here so I could get myself comfy without disturbing Paul.

Junior Mint is wriggling a bit and when I was upstairs, I thought I could feel (almost wrote "him" here - hmmm) the baby poking me out the front with little limbs. Which would be bad because that would mean s/he's posterior. I'm attempting to do a pelvic floor release move to help ensure the baby gets into a good position (not precisely at this moment. I'm not that talented.) I'm going to get on my ball and do the hula in a moment.

Well okay, in the time it's taken me to type this, I'm getting more "proper" contractions. More like strong Braxton Hicks (tightenings) in the bottom part of my bump.

Rock on! Let's get this show on the road!

2009-07-07T21:52:00.000+01:00

screeeaaaaaam

Oh my gods, I'm so fed up right now. I'm feeling that irrational irritability that you only get during hormonal times in your life, like the week before your period when you want to throttle old people at Tesco for abandoning their trolleys right in front of you as you try to get past. Well, except that's every trip to Tesco for me. But you get what I mean.

I've been feeling shitty for most of the day, but a short nap this evening and a delicious supper made by Paul really put me in good spirits. And then the good spirits buggered off and left me feeling shitty again. So right now, I'm sitting here thinking about how annoyed I am that I'm having no signs of labour whatsoever and feeling incredibly wound up. I'm tired, but don't want to go to bed. Argh. Just argh. I'm barely "overdue", so why am I so pissed off?

My reflexology lady is at the complimentary health centre tomorrow; maybe I'll see if I can book a relaxing session with her. I just feel so stressed right now, and I hate it. I was feeling zen and chilled up until today, but now every muscle in my body is tense. Not even baked good are helping. That's bad.

Hopefully, I'll have something more pleasant to talk about tomorrow...or the banana bread will have finally kicked in.

2009-07-07T14:07:00.000+01:00

mooning

So not only is it a full moon tody, but it's a penumbral lunar eclipse. Whatever the hell that means. I'm hoping it means "the time at which babies are born with ease and peacefulness, particularly if you live in Godmanchester, UK".

2009-07-07T09:30:00.000+01:00

*mutter grumble*

I just can't shut my brain off at night lately. I'm exhausted, but I lie there and my brain goes whirrrr whirrr whirrrrrrrrr for ages and won't let me sleep, like I've had too many double espressos. So last night, I couldn't fall asleep until past midnight and was woken at 5am by Mia shouting "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" over and over. I'm in such a pissy mood today, it's a good thing I'm alone. Well, alone with the dog - but don't worry, I won't take out my foul mood on him. I'm incredibly nauseous, still a little crampy, and everything hurts.

This baby better be popping out soon, or I'm gonna go postal.

2009-07-06T22:12:00.000+01:00

splutter fizzle pfffttt

I've been having more Braxton Hicks contractions today than usual, and this evening, they got crampier and were accompanied by lower back pain. And then they fizzled out. Whoopdidoo. I'm still having some very, very small twinges at the moment but nothing more than mild period pains with a little backache. I do think that things are gearing up, though. This is definitely different to the usual Braxton Hicks and I just get the sense that this is the beginning - but the very early stages with quite a way to go. It's just nice to feel something happening, whatever this something is.

I've been absolutely ravenous today, and I take that as a sign that my body wants me to store up energy and feed it well. Apparently this meant a large amount of Kettle Chips with hummous this afternoon. What, it's protein?! Oh shush, don't look at me like that.

For now, I'm going to try and get some sleep and relax as much as possible. If anything exciting happens, I'll be sure to update here.

2009-07-06T11:27:00.000+01:00

full moons and full bellies

So, these may quite possibly be the last belly shots. Taken by Paul yesterday, on my due date:

Speaking of due dates, the date Jane came up with is actually the 7th. I'm not sure why her spinning wheel thingy differs to online due date predictors I found (both based on ovulation date), but I could say that I'm not yet due. It is a full moon tomorrow, so you just never know. Jack informed me this morning that I would have the baby "in two sleeps", and then advised me to "Take care of the baby, mummy" as he left for nursery. On Saturday, Mia put her mouth right up to my bare belly and shouted, "BABY OUT NOW!" I'm sure all of this coaxing will help somehow.

2009-07-05T19:47:00.000+01:00

iDue

Well, here we are. It's my due date! Isn't it exciting? Yeah, it's not really been that thrilling for me, either. Only 3% of women give birth on their due date, and yet I've found myself having to tell umpteen people that no, I haven't pushed Junior Mint out yet. Actually, I've been doing this since BEFORE my due date and it's getting a little tiring. If I go quiet on Facebook for a few hours, the flurries of messages come in. But then, to be honest and little less grumpy about it, it's nice that people care and are excited about the baby coming. I think I'd rather get the messages than have no one be interested.

So no, no signs of baby yet but I'm not all that surprised. I really didn't want to go into labour this weekend and take Jane away from her family business, as I mentioned in my last post. Now that she's back, I feel much more relaxed about it and this may get things going. On the other hand, apparently third babies are very unpredictable. I've heard that they're slow to get going but once labour kicks off, it's all very quick. My personal opinion is that every birth is different, so I'm no more enlightened about how this one will go as I was when I was pregnant with Jack.

The good news is, I feel ready. I'm happy, I'm relaxed, I'm looking forward to meeting the baby. I'm also quite happy to have another few days to myself. I dunno. I'm thinking Tuesday. Monday to chill and Tuesday to have a baby. Yeah, that would work.

2009-07-03T16:25:00.000+01:00

hello!

Here's my daily update, but it's not very exciting. Same old, same old. No signs of labour but hey, I'm not even due yet. I forgot to mention that my midwife will be out of town from tomorrow morning until Sunday late afternoon. She'll still be within reasonable distance (2 hours vs. 1 normally) but she's attending a personal family-related ceremony and I truly don't want her to have to leave it to be here. So, I'm hoping that nothing happens until late Sunday night at the very earliest.

I oscillate between excitement and "Why the hell am I doing THIS again?!" on an almost hourly basis. I'm really excited about meeting the baby and finding out if it's a Junior Mint or a Junior Mintella. I'm actually pretty geared up to go into labour and being somewhat competitive with myself, I want to do it "right" this time and try not to scream the entire neighbourhood down. But then when I get a slightly more intense Braxton Hicks contraction, my first thought is "Oh, no." There are some worries in the back of my head, and I think this is the reason for my slight anxiety.

First and foremost, I do NOT want back labour again. No thank you. Tried it, didn't like it. Didn't even get a t-shirt afterwards. The baby is currently sitting with his/her back to my left, but facing a little more forward that towards my back. This worries me. I'm doing all I can to ensure good fetal positioning, but I can't help but wonder if this one's going to spin posterior as well. Second, I'm worried about the kids when I'm in labour/giving birth. Ideally, they'll sleep through the whole thing or be at nursery, but obviously there's no guarantee. I'm hoping that it won't involve a late night handover to one of our friends, or that it'll all kick off while they're having their Cheerios and watching TV on a weekend morning. Very thankfully, we have several friends who have offered to have the kids anytime day or night. This is a huge reassurance and I'm so grateful for their kindness. So we are covered in many ways, but I still worry about it. Third, the pain. Boy oh boy, did I not cope well last time. You'd think that having been there before you'd be less afraid of the pain, but because I do remember what it was like, I'm freaking out a bit about it. But having said that, I must keep in mind that a) it was back labour (did I mention that back labour SUCKS ASS?) and b) I was in a panic because my midwife couldn't attend and I was waiting for one I'd never met...who only arrived an hour before Mia did.

I can cope. I can do this. I did it before. I still vividly remember the incredibly wonderful feeling of Mia being born and the extreme elation the moment she came out. Kissing her tiny little grumpy face and holding her close to me in the water. I have the photo of her just newly born on our bedroom wall; maybe I should put it by the pool to inspire me. The photo, a big piece of brie, and a painting of a soft egg. Ah yes, that should do it.

2009-07-02T17:30:00.000+01:00

my feet are deflating

So, I had a reflexology session yesterday with a lady called Caroline that I see at the complimentary health centre, and a bonus session at home courtesy of my good friend Caroline today. So that's two Carolines who have massaged my uterine point in the past two days. Woohoo! That's gotta do something! It's just so nice to have my feet feeling and looking somewhat normal at the moment, and reflexology always makes me feel super chilled afterwards. Very, very nice.

My midwife appointment today went well. Everything's fine with me and Junior Mint, s/he's a little more engaged than last week but still has a lot of wriggle room, and Jane thinks s/he'll be around the same weight as Mia. So now I'm thinking girl. So much for mother's intuition; I have none. These past few weeks seem to be following the same pattern as my pregnancy with Mia (a couple of weeks of feeling hideous, followed by a week of feeling energetic and relaxed), so I'm thinking that birth day may be coming next week. But I'm in no rush, despite the awful heat and my inability to waddle more than a few feet at a time. I'm still enjoying the quiet days alone, the chance for an afternoon nap, and the feeling of my last baby rolling around in my belly. I do feel ready for the birth, just not in a mad rush to get there.

My current prediction is that things will start to kick off over the weekend and baby will arrive at some point next week. We shall see!

2009-06-30T16:47:00.000+01:00

sweaty betty

Hooooooooooooooo it's hot! Hot hot hot! In England! Who would have thought. Although I can't say I'm thrilled about the temperature because I've got a little furnace living in my belly right now, I am really pleased to see the sun shining every day. It's really filled me with energy; it's fantastic.

As you all know, I'm going for my second home birth/VBAC. I think I explained this before when I was pregnant with Mia, but it's worth repeating for those newer to my blog. I used to think that people who birthed at home were very, very brave and a little bit nuts. Because really, why would you want to be so far away from a building full of doctors and pain-relieving drugs? When I was pregnant with Jack, I wanted to have a birth that was as natural as possible in a hospital setting, and would go for the epidural if necessary. Ideally, I wanted to try a water birth and labour med-free. This isn't how things turned out and because of the experience, I knew that I just didn't feel comfortable in a hospital setting and would much rather be at home, surrounded by the familiar.

I know that this option is still fairly unconventional and not for everyone, but what I want to stress is that I'm not at all anti-hospital, or think that you can't have a good birth experience with the NHS. What's important to me is that a woman gives birth how and where she feels safest, based on an informed decision. I do hope, that in some way, my birth stories can help someone feel a little more confident and more able to say no if something doesn't feel right. After a bad birth experience, you lose a lot of faith in your body and your confidence plummets. What I learned is that our bodies sometimes just know what to do and that birth can be an instinctive, natural, empowering event. I amazed myself when I had Mia, truly.

But this isn't all about praising myself for having had a successful VBAC. What I am praising is how good it feels to have been in control, to have done what I felt was best and end up happy with the outcome. So that is really what I wish for all mothers - however and wherever those babies are born.

2009-06-29T09:54:00.000+01:00

penguin lady, coming through

From this morning, me in my bloated glory:

You know it's bad when your friend says to you, "Wow! Your feet are so swollen!" when they are ten times better than they were over the weekend. Awful...I'm having such a hard time bending at the ankle and they feel so tight. I had weird lumpy bumps on my shins last night and if I had my leg against something or had something on it, it left a rather massive dent. Mmmm nice. It's all down to the heat and humidity lately, and there's no break in sight - this week is supposed to be a scorcher.

If you need me, I'll be in Mia's paddling pool in the back garden.

2009-06-27T10:18:00.000+01:00

the end is nigh

Had a lot of contractions last night, that were crampier than usual (of the "am I having contractions or did I eat something dodgy?" variety.) All I kept thinking of was my mother-in-law telling me that she thought the same thing the night she had Paul, and out he popped just a few hours later. Paul asked if he should get the pool ready, but the discomfort was pretty mild and I didn't think anything was going to happen soon. As it happened, they did fizzle out by the time I went to bed although I had a few more through the night that woke me up. Since waking this morning, I've had more similar cramping off and on. I had a little burst of energy (and I do mean little) yesterday, and I tidied Jack and Mia's room and the kitchen, and did some cooking. Been feeling a bit more energetic today as well, but I haven't accomplished anything. I just get a feeling that things are starting. I have no idea if the birth will be soon, but I have a strong sense that my body's gearing up. The next sign, if Mia's birth is anything to go by, will be getting upset at thoroughly irrational things and feeling hugely fed up with the world in general. Stay tuned.

Just read a mind-boggling message on the World's Most Annoying Pregnancy and Mothering site (why do I still go there? I must be a masochist.) A fellow July mum-to-be now has an induction scheduled because her ankles are swollen. Her doctor doesn't want her to "develop pre-eclampsia at the last minute". Yup. Because her ankles are swollen. Doesn't have high blood pressure, protein in the urine, or any other symptoms that should be of concern, just fat ankles. Do some OBs not need to attend medical school at some point? I do despair.

2009-06-26T15:39:00.000+01:00

fillums

ThinkParents has very kindly sent copies of two films for us to review: "Bedtime Stories" and "Bolt", both by Disney and now featuring a duo DVD/Blu-Ray pack. Why you need to purchase both, is beyond me. Why you'd want a Disney film like these two on Blu-Ray is also beyond me (although I can understand its merit for restored classic Disney films.) We don't have a Blu-Ray player - yet - so I can only comment on the regular DVD versions of both films.

"Bedtime Stories" had so much potential; the charm and humour of Adam Sandler mixed in with an inventive storyline, and a little Russell Brand thrown into the mix. Sadly, the film just didn't deliver. Yes, I did chuckle a little at some of Brand's scenes, but otherwise the humour was thin and the script was heavily cliched. Jack sat and watched most of it, but lost interest by the end. His favourite bit was the hamster (you'll see a similar theme when I discuss "Bolt"), but I don't feel like he was particularly captivated by this film. It could be that it's a bit "advanced" for a 4-year-old or it simply lacked the action and visuals of, for example, a Pixar film. The true test of a film's success in this house is whether or not it gets requested again (and again and again) by Jack. So far, we've just seen it the once.

"Bolt" is fast-paced, well animated, and cleverly written with a creative plot to boot. There is enough humour to keep parents and children happy, and enough action to keep kids interested. We've seen this one many times now, which goes to show how much Jack enjoys it - particularly the hamster. I wouldn't put it in the award-winning category of a film like "Wall-E", but it's one we don't mind having on repeat.

2009-06-25T14:17:00.000+01:00

feelin' groovy

What a difference a good night's sleep can make - I feel a million dollars today. Yesterday evening, I realised with great joy that I no longer felt like throwing up and didn't have hideous heartburn. Whoop! I not only had a nap in the afternoon, I fell asleep shortly after 10 that night, and only woke once for a loo break before getting up for the day at 8:30. Today, I can eat normally (although still not massive quantities or anything too spicy or exciting) and I'm not nauseous or plagued with reflux. It's just so damn good to feel human today, and the weather is absolutely glorious. I'm ready to give birth now.

Maybe it has to do with finally taking care of loose ends yesterday. I packed a bag for me and the baby just in case we need to transfer to hospital, and gathered together a few bits and bobs for labour and brought them downstairs. I did realise that I'd completely overlooked a few essentials, however - like muslins (burp cloths). What the hell did I do with the bazillion muslins I had for Mia? Did I give them away? Why on earth would I give some poor soul a bunch of used muslins? Anyway, a quick trip to Mothercare should sort that out. Otherwise, I'm all set. I just need the baby to come out now, preferably while our children are asleep or in nursery.

Had a great midwife appointment today. Everything is absolutely fine and baby has just started to engage. Jane did a belly cast on me, and it turned out really well. It was so relaxing to have plaster slathered on me, as weird as that sounds. It is slightly alarming to see the enormous girth of my belly in the form of a cast, though. I'm huge! You people were right! I'd like the kids to help decorate it, maybe get them to do hand prints and Jack can draw a little picture. Not quite sure how else to decorate it, so I'll need to think about that one. I'm going to hang it in Mia's room, as that's where the baby will go eventually. I'm glad I did it - this is my final pregnancy (no, really) and I think it's a lovely way to remember it.

Well. Roll on, labour.

(Early) Canada Day BBQ

2009-06-24T10:54:00.000+01:00

On Saturday, we had an early Canada Day BBQ with around 50 adults and kids in attendance. Yes, we're mad. Thankfully, my superduper fantastic in-laws were here to help. They did so much, it was amazing. We all had a brilliant time and Caroline made her best beaver pinata yet! The gods of good weather smiled on us (although they did piddle a little on us at one point) and Paul made absolutely delicious food. He did ribs and pulled chicken on the smoker, and grilled sausages, burgers, and spicy lamb kebabs. He followed my Super Secret Homemade BBQ Sauce recipe (okay, not that secret - it's in my recipe binder) and made a gorgeous sauce for the ribs and chicken. The annoying thing about being hugely pregnant is the fact that baby takes up all your valuable stomach space, making pigging out impossible. I managed a burger and kebab, with a little salad. I had to eat in installments, so I was able to sample a rib and one sausage with supper. As usual, we bought far too much food and now have a freezerful of uncooked sausages and burgers, and a year's supply of bread rolls.

I decided to make a cake for Mia's birthday along with some cupcakes. The cake went very well, thanks to Nigella's failsafe Victoria sponge recipe and huge globs of fresh cream, strawberries, and good quality strawberry jam. The cupcakes, on the other hand, went very badly. They tasted fine, but a decorator I am not. I painstakingly cut out a bazillion icing daisies the night before and put them on plates overnight, only to discover in the morning that most of them stuck. When I tried to remove them, they crumbled. I swore. A lot. I salvaged enough to decorate sparingly, armed with the knowledge that greaseproof paper will be my friend next time. I also didn't realise that I should lop off the tops of any cakes that went pointy in the oven, making them nice and level for icing. Argh...just argh. Here's a photo that makes it all look much better than reality.

The rest of the day's photos can be seen here.

2009-06-22T10:23:00.000+01:00

ah, it must be that time

I'm so glad that I've kept a blog documenting my past pregnancies because it's reassuring to know that what I'm feeling right now is typical for me. That is to say, I'm going through the "Exhausted, Achey, Heartburny, Feeling Like Shit" phase that always seems to hit me two weeks before my due date. Last night, I had such bad heartburn that 300mg of Ranitidine didn't touch it and it was awful even when I was sitting upright. I stayed up late, catching up on recorded episodes of Big Brother (which I did at this same point when I was pregnant with Mia) and fought the nausea until the wee hours. This morning, I burst into tears from exhaustion and frustration. Jack said "Why are you sad, Mummy?" and Mia toddled over and said "What happen, Mummy?" and they both gave me a cuddle. You just can't feel shitty when you're being cuddled, really. I've been off work for three weeks now, the first two were spent suffering with a hideous cold and the third taking care of my little girl as she endured a tummy bug. I'm tired and haven't really had a day feeling good and relaxed. It's just catching up with me.

In happier news, we did a trial run of the pool and I'm pleased to have finally gone through it to make sure everything's okay.

Jack enjoyed it:

And Mia got ready for a dip:

but ended up going for a nap instead. The pool is the same make as the one I borrowed from Caroline last time (Birth Pool in a Box), but this is the larger version and I really love it. It feels very roomy and slightly less claustrophobic than the mini, and it has a seat! You know, for those moments when you just want to sit back and have a margarita while you're in labour. It really is fantastic and only takes about 15 minutes longer to fill (about an hour in total.) So, it's a relief to have this done and dusted and know that we're all set for the birth now. Um...still need to pack a hospital bag just in case, though. Never did get around to it for Mia, but I don't want to push my luck this time. I felt like it would "jinx" me somehow, but if we do end up transferring this time I want to know that everything is there for Paul to grab.

Off to see if I've got sushi ingredients because as I said when I was pregnant with Mia, sushi always makes me feel better. Plus, I've got ice cream in the freezer. I think I'm all set now.

Wearing mummy's shoes

2009-06-19T09:37:00.000+01:00

Two years ago today, in the early hours of the morning, my baby girl was born. I pulled her up to the surface of the water, examined her squished little head and kissed her face a million times. She was so tiny! The newborn sleepsuits were too big; I'd have to go to Mothercare and get some "early baby" ones. We snuggled on the sofa, ate breakfast cooked by Paul, and listened to the birds as the sun started to come up. It was a beautiful day, and she slept peacefully in my arms.

Today, Mia and I are cuddling on the sofa while she sleeps in my arms. A little bigger now (but still a size smaller than her age) and getting over a nasty tummy bug. The sun is shining, the house is silent except for the chirping of the birds, and Paul made my breakfast this morning.

Happy 2nd birthday, my beautiful Mimi. My heart aches seeing you so sick, but in a way it's incredibly sweet to have a cuddly tiny girl again for the time being. Get better, bunny. I love you with all my heart.

2009-06-17T16:10:00.000+01:00

hello!

Yes, still here and still keeping everything firmly clenched until at least Sunday. Saw Jane today and all is well: blood pressure and wee both fine, baby still has its back to my left and still head down (but not engaged, hallelujah), measuring on time, and she estimates (with the caveat that palpitation is very vague at best) that the baby weighs around 7lbs at the moment. So now I think boy because Mia was only 6 1/2 lbs at birth but Jack was close to 8. Meh, who knows.

We had a really good chat about my labour/birth anxieties and went through some breathing and visualisation techniques. I've been feeling quite stressed about going into labour; memories of the negative aspects of Mia's birth have been coming back to me in flashes. Talking through it all with Jane helped enormously. I realised that much of what made my last labour so intense was the sense of panic (because my midwife was attending another birth and I had to wait for someone I'd never met), fear (never having laboured before), and the shock that labour was not at all like those fecking books said it would be like. Contractions don't always "ebb and flow", you lying bastards! But in all seriousness, I didn't realise that sometimes you don't get much of a break between contractions (particularly with back labour) and if you start fighting each one in a state of panic, it makes the pain much worse. I need to focus on the positive this time, and find a way to keep more control. I like having a strategy in place; it's making me feel more confident.

Still having a ton of Braxton Hicks, probably more so lately because I had a physically tough day yesterday taking care of poorly Mia. She's got a stomach bug (and good god, do I not want that) and I spent every 1/2 hr cleaning up, changing her, changing myself, and taking her up and down the stairs all day. She's much better today, thankfully. It's so very sad to see her unwell, especially when she keeps reminding me in a very tiny voice, "I'm poorly." My poor cuddlebunny.

And finally, despite having a rather spicy and utterly delicious meal at Cocum in Cambridge on Monday night, I didn't go into labour. Go me!

2009-06-12T15:59:00.000+01:00

YOU. STAY.

I've been having contractions since last night. Nothing to worry about, but enough to make me shake my finger at my belly and say "You stay in there until at least next Sunday!!" I've had a lot of Braxton Hicks this pregnancy full stop, but last night they were sort of crampier than the usual tightenings. Enough to prevent me from going to bed at a decent time and to keep waking me through the night. I've had a few more off and on today, but they're not getting more intense or frequent. I suppose these probably are Braxton Hicks that are more uncomfy this time around, what with everything being heavier and saggier these days. Anyway, I need to hold out until at least Tuesday when Jane is bringing a new liner for the pool and the TENS machine. Friday is Mia's birthday and Saturday is our early Canada Day BBQ. I don't think guests are really going to want to eat sausages and burgers while I give birth in the pool next to them.

Erm. Maybe curry on Monday night is a bad idea. Remind me to order something mild, girls!

2009-06-11T15:24:00.000+01:00

we shall have a fishy on a little dishy

The sun has reappeared today, and with it, a much better day for this mama. I'm still coughing quite a lot, but not nearly as much as before. I had reflexology yesterday afternoon and she did warn me that I might cough more initially (as my chest clears) and boy...was she right. But after a couple of small bouts of coughing through the night, I've been pretty good today. Thanks to my midwife, I have a top tip for coughing when you've pulled a muscle in your bump: either sit up and curl yourself up as much as you can, or if you're lying down, bring your knees up to your chest before coughing (or curl up on your side, which is what I did last night.) Works a treat!

Speaking of my midwife, I forgot to mention my thoroughly uneventful appointment on Tuesday. Despite feeling like hell and worrying about my blood pressure (I'm swelling a bit now and my wedding rings have come off, and I've had some killer headaches), all was absolutely fine. Jane thinks my bump has dropped since last time, but baby isn't engaged yet (not surprising) and still has lots of wriggle room. She dropped off the pool and we talked about what would happen should I go into labour from this point onwards. She is happy to support me for a home birth at this point - I've been having irrational fears of going into labour early - so it's good to know that I'm now in the home stretch without having to worry about whether or not I can stay at home.

I had a lovely, civilised lunch with my friend Susan today at a local pub (Brampton Mill.) Service was polite but excruciatingly slow. It wasn't too much of a problem as we weren't in a rush, but it wasn't busy enough or understaffed to warrant such slow service. I'm slightly more forgiving about things like this if the food is good and thankfully, the food was very good. I had fish and chips (surprisingly light and crispy batter), with a banoffee cheesecake and latte for dessert. Helloooooo carb city! I'm gonna have sausages for fingers and toes tonight, hoo yeah. The pub itself has been very nicely refurbished, with a lovely view of the river behind. The menu is quite varied (not overwhelmingly so), but if you're looking for sandwiches and jacket potatoes, you'll need to go elsewhere. I would go back because the food was nice, but not if I'm in a rush.

And now, I have a very important decision to make: take a nap or sit out in the sunny garden? Ah, I lead such a tough life.

2009-06-08T11:46:00.000+01:00

iWaddle

Here I am, at 36 weeks:

I hasten to add, I don't normally wear leggings and tight tops either around the house or outdoors. It's what I'm wearing under a pinafore dress today, which I removed to get a good bump shot. So yes, 36 weeks as of yesterday...one more week to full term. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Still feeling pretty dreadful but not quite as hideous today. I slept from 11pm to 6am without waking up to cough up a lung every hour. Go me! I do think this cold is subsiding, which is great news. I'm so tired, but so grateful that I've got the days to myself to rest.

In other news, my wonderful boy got his blue belt yesterday after passing his karate grading. Sadly, I couldn't attend the grading because I was feeling so ill, but Paul said that Jack did very well. I'm so proud of him! He asked Paul for a snack afterwards and Paul told him that he'd have to change out of his uniform and brand new blue belt before eating. After careful consideration, Jack decided that he'd forgo the snack and keep the cool uniform on for a little while longer. Mia admired Jack's new belt and seemed very pleased at his achievement. Either that, or she was just mimicking us and likes the colour blue.

Mia's been talking up a storm lately, it's amazing. She's trying so very hard to speak in detailed sentences, telling us elaborate tales of nursery events and Jasper's adventures in the kitchen. The stories come out two words at a time, with hand gestures and pauses as she tries to think of more words. Whenever I take off her nappy, she dances around saying "I naked! I naked!" and if I hurt myself, she says "What happen, Mummy?" with a look of deep concern. When I tell her what I've done (it's usually something involving my belly and painful ligaments), she'll say "Oh dear" and rub the affected area better. She can count to 10, sings songs, and wants to know what everything's called. Everything. Often seconds after you've just told her what something is, she'll ask several more times "What's that?" It's like she's saying "Tell me that word again because either I wasn't listening to your answer or I'm a bit skeptical about the accuracy of your response." She's growing up so fast; she's even doing poos on the toilet (and asking to use it beforehand.) She's been doing this for a while now and although I'm not jumping ahead to get her toilet trained at the moment, I'm really pleased that she's shown an interest.

Jack is also growing up at an alarming rate, and I know that I'll be one of those lunatic mothers crying at the gates when he starts "big school" in September. I love our conversations, which are usually fairly elaborate if not a little surreal. He doesn't have dreams, he has "adventures." So first thing each morning, we're informed about his adventures from the night before (usually involving friends from nursery or Ben10.) He's so tolerant of his little sister, who has recently become what they call "A Handful". He shares his toys (whether that was his original plan or not), puts up with her climbing all over him, and still loves giving her kisses and cuddles.

He's decided that he's going to help daddy fill the pool when the baby comes, and we've been having lots of chats about things that may happen when mummy's in labour. I've really been trying to reassure him about any noises I might make, as I was rather screamy when I had Mia and I don't want him to be frightened. I explained that I might make a lot of noise when the baby comes and Jack asked why. "Erm...because having a baby is very hard work and sometimes you need to make noise to help the baby come out," I explained. "It's sort of like having a very big poo. You know how you sometimes have to make a noise when you poo?" At which point, both children got into a squatting stance with clenched fists, made loud grunting noises while squeezing their eyes shut, then laughed hysterically. Maybe they won't be so frightened by the birth, after all.

2009-06-04T11:48:00.000+01:00

bleah

I have so many things to complain about, I don't even know where to begin. I seem to recall that I went through a similar "Everything Hurts and I Feel Shitty" phase when I was pregnant with Jack and Mia as well, so I'm sure it'll all get better in time. But for now, I'm getting progressively more pissed off by the day at a sinus/chest cold that won't go away (and because of it, I haven't been able to taste anything since last Saturday) and pelvic/back pain. I don't think it's SPD because it's not constant and my mobility isn't as limited as it probably would be with SPD, but damn...it hurts. It's at its worst in the first part of the day and at the end of the day. When I stand, I get a sharp pain in the front of my pelvis and I'm also getting a lot of lower backache. And this cold...oh, this godforsaken cold. My head feels like it's going to explode and non-stop coughing when you've got sore, stretchy ligaments SUCKS.

Moan, moan, whine, whine.

The pain I can deal with because I've got a whole lot of nothing on the calendar most days, so I can spend the day on the sofa. The cold and not being able to taste anything is diabolical. Eating has become a miserable experience; I'm just eating to fill my stomach, but I have no appetite. I'm not eating as much as usual, which means the heartburn is all cranky now. Ranitidine is helping a little, but I constantly feel the reflux sitting in my chest. What is the point of having delicious things in my fridge and cupboards when I can't taste anything?! So very vexed.

But anyway, on the plus side, the sun is shining and I have the day to myself. Oh and I can breathe through one nostril at the moment. Happy days.

2009-06-02T16:31:00.000+01:00

whoooooooooooooooooooosh!

Sweet merciful crap, I'm going to have a baby in another month or so. I'm a bit sad that it's all going by so quickly, especially when I've got the urge to purchase summery maternity wear. It's been so lovely and warm lately, and I'm sweltering hot in my jeans. I need skirts and shorts or something. But there is no point whatsoever in buying clothing if I'm only going to wear it for another few weeks. Right? RIGHT? Oh, someone take my Internet access and debit card away from me!

Had a midwife appointment today with my "backup midwife" Valerie as Jane is on holiday this week. I met Valerie when I was pregnant with Mia, and it was lovely to see her again. Nothing eventful to report from my appointment, which is good news. Everything is as it should be, baby's heartbeat chugging away at 135-150. I've recently had a strong feeling that this baby is a girl. I know, I know, I've been saying boy up until now, but for some reason I'm getting girl vibes. When I think of our boy name, I like it, but don't love it. I really love our girl name. That's usually the tip-off. But then I dunno...I can envision Mia with two brothers by her side. I say it will go 50-50 either way.

So as I said, it's been gorgeous and sunny here lately which has meant it's summer food season in the Durbin household. Paul's been grilling up a storm on the BBQ, cooking us fantastic burgers, sausages, spatchcock chicken, butterflied leg of lamb, steaks, and grilled veggies for salads. He did some ribs on the smoker on Saturday that were to die for. I can't get enough of grilled courgette salad: sliced very thinly on the mandolin, grilled, then tossed with extra virgin olive oil, chopped fresh mint and red chilli, season, and add a squeeze of lemon juice (and sometimes sprinkled with goat's cheese) while still warm. I did a grilled corn salad the other day that was delicious: either grill corn still in the husk until browned or boil 4 husked corn cobs for 3 minutes and then put on the grill to slightly brown on all sides, cut the corn from the cob and toss with grilled peppers (both regular peppers and chilli), chopped spring onion, fresh lime juice, chopped coriander, olive oil, and season. Both salads are still delicious the next day or even the day after. It's all been about grilled meats and fish with grilled vegetable things around here lately. If only I could wash it all down with a jug of Pimms.

And now, I'm off to sit in the garden and stick my feet in the kids' paddling pool. Ah, summer.

2009-05-31T21:18:00.000+01:00

biggus bumpus

On the left, 35 weeks with Junior Mint. On the right, 34 weeks with Mia.

2009-05-28T15:40:00.000+01:00

hi ho, hi ho, it's off on leave i go

Just a few hours ago, I finished my last "day" of work. *dances* Oh my, I am so very happy. Everything hurts right now and I've got a hideous cold (just for shits and giggles), so going into the office has been a real chore lately. I'm having a lot of problems standing and walking without feeling sharp pains in the front of my pelvis, and this cold is making every muscle hurt right now. I'm having problems sleeping because of all of this, plus I'm experiencing that "I've just had 10 shots of espresso" feeling at nighttime that I get every pregnancy at some point. Welcome to Afternoon Napville, population: ME.

It's all a little surreal, though. I always feel like I'm just on holiday for the first week or so of maternity leave and find it difficult to switch gears so quickly. And the thought of giving birth in another 5 weeks or so...gads. Time has truly flown. I still find it very difficult to equate this wriggling baby bump with an actual newborn baby, and am somewhat in denial about the whole baby coming out of my belly thing. I'm still looking forward to labour and birth, but I cannot get my head around having another little baby in our family. I know I went through this when I was pregnant with Mia too, though. You get so used to life a certain way that it becomes difficult to imagine anything else. But of course, it all becomes very natural and you can't remember what life was like before.

And now, I nap. Nite nite.

2009-05-19T15:08:00.000+01:00

bits n' bobs

Had a midwife appointment today with the lovely Jane. I've been feeling pretty rough lately (exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, headachey, and generally very, very crappy) so I'm glad I saw her today. My blood pressure was higher than usual, but not high (120/78, normally 120/70). I had a small trace of glucose in my wee sample today, but she thinks her peesticks are at fault because they might be a little out of date. She's not worried about it at the moment, and will test me again in a week. She took some blood to check iron levels, so I'll get the results tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm taking Floridex to see if that helps with my energy levels (or complete lack of.)

Baby is fine, head down with his/her back to my left side, I'm measuring 2 weeks behind (so pffffffffttttttt to the people who keep commenting about how huge I am!), and the heart rate was 130-136.

Still feeling pretty crappy at the moment, but I'm just about to take a nap. I'm not in the office today, I hasten to add. Mia had a rotten night last night, which I'm sure isn't helping. It was kind of cute - she kept waking up crying and going "Cuddle! Cuddle!" Well, cute up until the 10th time she did it in the span of an hour. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who spent the night in the bed next to her cot so that we could all get a little sleep.

Speaking of which, night night.

Baby Shower

2009-05-19T11:41:00.000+01:00

On (North American) Mother's Day, my very lovely girly friends threw a baby shower for me at Caroline's house. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, filled with sunshine and lots and lots of chocolate! The theme was chocolate and mint (for Junior Mint - get it? No? Oh come on!) and all the guests were asked to bring food containing one or both ingredients. Most people went the sweet route and my god...I was in sugar heaven! Chocolate mint cake, mint Bailey's cheesecake, minty-iced cupcakes, brownies, and more minty chocolates than you could shake a stick at. YUM. We also had kebabs with minty sauce, minty pasta salads, and a chickpea and mint salad just to balance out all the sugar. We had chocolate-scented candles, chocolate face masks, peppermint foot spray, and minty green nail polish.

I was so surprised and touched to receive gifts - they just aren't the "done thing" here before baby arrives. I know how weird it must have been for people to buy things for the baby (and how difficult because we're not finding out the sex this time until the birth.) The girls bought a load of adorable clothes, little toys, and a custom made Junior Mint sleepsuit (see photo)!

Caroline got a friend of hers to do Indian head massages and Hopi ear candle therapy (don't ask - I'm still not sure what this involves, but I have images of my friends with birthday candles melting away in their ears.) The massage was heavenly! It was a chilled, fun, sunshiney day. I cannot thank my friends enough.

The day before, Paul and I went up to Peterborough for a 3D scan. It was AMAZING! I was worried that we'd see an accidental willy/hooha shot, but because the baby was quite big at that point (32 weeks), the sonographer just had to stay focussed on the face to avoid giving the gender away. For the first few minutes, Junior Mint hid his/her face hidden behind the arms completely. The stinker. I had to roll over onto my side and jiggle my belly around (not pretty) to coax the arms away. Finally, we saw the little button nose and chubby cheeks and got some amazing shots:

We're still thinking boy, although the smiley photo really reminds me of Mia.

2009-05-12T17:04:00.000+01:00

excessive consumption of whine

First, let me just say that the baby in my pregnancy ticker at the top of this page is mooning us. It must be a boy.

You know how people say that everything happens sooner the more babies you have? It's true. I've now reached the stage where everything annoys me to no end. I expect I'll soon enter the "Muttering to Myself in an Annoyed Fashion Over Things Like the Dishwasher Being Loaded Incorrectly" phase.

These things annoy me:
-people saying how huge I am/gasping in horror when I say I still have two months to go/asking if I was "this big" with Jack and Mia. Stop it. Stop it now.
-being hungry ALL THE TIME. And not having what I want to eat readily available.
-waking up every hour to roll myself over because whatever side I'm lying on has gone numb and/or is painful.
-being at work.
-having arms like a t-rex and not being able to reach anything because my belly's in the way.
-my bellybutton is starting to turn into an outy. That's never happened before. I don't like it; it creeps me out.
-constant Braxton Hicks.
-stupid posts written by stupid people on pregnancy web sites.

I'm starting to freak out a little about having three children, too. Mostly the logistics of it. I'm going to have to do the school run starting in September because Paul will not be able to leave work early enough, and I may have to do this with two other children in tow. The current plan is to greatly reduce Mia's hours at nursery after we're settled into life with a newborn, so I'll likely have her and the baby with me when I go get Jack. That's a lot of child juggling. Thankfully, the school is just a short walk up the road so it's not really that difficult to do...but then it's the thought of having all three kids, on my own, for a few hours a day before Paul gets home. Where am I going to find the energy? I'm old. I don't have much left to give.

But otherwise, everything's peachy, thanks. I'm still feeling a zen-like calm about the birth, and counting the days to maternity leave (8 1/2 more working days.) In the meantime, I just need to chill. And eat an entire cheesecake. That's definitely make me feel better.

2009-05-07T14:00:00.000+01:00

still here

I don't know why I'm so horrible at blogging lately. I've got BlogBlock. It could be because I tend to post notes, links, or status updates on Facebook every day, it doesn't leave a lot to say here. But then one of the main points of this blog is for me to look back on this all one day and marvel at the wonders of the past...and to give my children something to be really, really embarrassed about in the future.

So, here I am. Feeling pretty darn good at just over 31 weeks, remarkably calm about the upcoming birth. Every now and then, Paul and I experience a mild case of "Holy Shit, We're Having Another Baby" panic, but mostly we're okay. I really haven't had much to complain about this pregnancy (not that it stops me), and I'm still very much looking forward to the birth. At the moment, I'm looking forward to maternity leave - starting three weeks from this very day. Afternoon naps! Getting caught up on the 12 episodes of Desperate Housewives on my Virgin box! Going shopping - alone! Afternoon cake with my girlfriends! Lovely, can't wait.

My baby shower is on Sunday at Caroline's house, which is so fabulous. I never expected one (I was thrilled to have one for Mia, but didn't think I'd get another this time as they're not really the "done thing" here) and I was so touched when the girls offered to throw one for me. All I know is that it'll involve sitting outside, eating, and a massage. What more could a girl need? I've got to do some experimental cookie making (and eating, for test purposes only) tomorrow for the goody bags. I don't think I've ever made shaped sugar cookies before. I'm trusting Nigella on this one, so fingers crossed.

The baby is wriggling loads, which amuses my little boy to no end. Mia now says "Baby kick!" when she looks at my belly. She also likes to say "Baby milk" and hike up my top, but thankfully she's only been doing this at home. I don't think Mia really gets what's going on and what she's in for in two months, but Jack seems to be more aware of his impending sibling (who he is sure is a girl and that we will call Olivia.) Liz loaned me a great book called "There's a House in Mummy's Tummy" about a pregnant mummy, that both Jack and Mia love. Although now Jack is convinced that there's a television in my "tummy house", because he claims that the baby is in there watching TV. Judging by how huge and heavy I feel right now, he might be right.

As I said, I'm feeling good on the most part. The only complaints I have are heartburn (same old, same old), aches and pains every now and then, and constant Braxton Hicks. I surprised myself when I realised that I'm still lifting Mia in and out of the cot (it doesn't have a drop-down side) because I stopped doing this at 20 weeks with Jack. At that point, he was 2 and we moved him to his bed because I just couldn't bend and lift him anymore. Mia's such a wee thing, she's pretty easy to lift.

I'm due two months from today. TWO MONTHS. How mental is that?

Easter bunny went THAT way!

2009-04-22T11:59:00.000+01:00

Goodness, it's been a while. Hello. How have you been?

In case you were wondering what the Fat Duck stuff was doing on the baby blog, it's because I plan on just having one blog from now on. I orginally divided up the blogs into baby/non-baby topics for fear of boring the pants off of people who really didn't care to read about my adventures in motherhood, but I find myself with very few non-mummy things to say. Plus, I'm really crappy at multitasking at the moment, so it shall be one blog from now on.

So until I get another free moment to blog properly, please enjoy this photo of my daughter stuffing her face with Easter chocolate. That's my girl!

2009-04-02T11:48:00.051+01:00

we were fat duckers

The Fat Duck in Bray is run by Heston Blumenthal, made famous by television here and made infamous by devising snail porridge. His three-starred Michelin restaurant has been voted the "2nd Best Restaurant in the World", coming behind the legendary El Bulli in Spain. He is probably best compared to Thomas Keller of French Laundry in Napa, Calfornia. Creator, part scientist/part alchemist, and oddly, somewhat of a sex symbol. I'd been looking forward to this for two months; my birthday meal had finally come.

This is a view of the dining room, along with the mumbliest waiter in the world. I'm not joking, I was reading lips at one point and was thisclose to begging him to switch to French in the hopes I might be able to catch a few more words.

The menu for us to take home, complete with a Fat Duck wax stamp.

We went for the tasting menu, and Paul had the wine tasting menu with it. Here is my lengthy, but hopefully useful "review" of our epic meal.

NITRO-GREEN TEA AND LIME MOUSSE: I didn't have time to take a photo because it had to be eaten immediately. A waiter came to our table and squirted an artfully dispensed blob of egg white and lime on a spoon, then placed it in a container of liquid nitrogen (which is something like -150C). It floated on top like a poached egg for a few seconds, then the waiter placed it on a plate and dusted it with green tea powder. We were instructed to pop it into the mouth in one, and I felt it dissolve immediately into a bite of cold slush. It was to refresh the mouth and clean the palate, which it certainly did.

POMMERY GRAIN MUSTARD ICE CREAM, RED CABBAGE GAZPACHO: Once your brain realises not to expect something sweet, the ice cream becomes a little more enjoyable. The first bite was unpleasant, dominated by the grain mustard and incredibly odd when your eyes see a quenelle of ice cream but your mouth experiences something completely savoury. The next few bites were more enjoyable; however, the flavours didn't work for me at all.

JELLY OF QUAIL, LANGOUSTINE CREAM, PARFAIT OF FOIE GRAS, OAK MOSS AND TRUFFLE TOAST: Now this is what we came for: theatre, amazement, surprise, and incredibly intense flavours. The first stage is a moss-flavoured film placed on the tongue and left to dissolve, which tasted wonderfully earthy without actually tasting like moss (or what you'd expect moss to taste like, never having eaten it myself.) Liquid nitrogen was poured on a small platform filled with fresh moss, to give the effect of being in the woods on a misty morning. The parfait was astounding; so dense with flavour and surprisingly filling. The tiny, thin, delicate toast provided a lovely contrasting texture.

SNAIL PORRIDGE: The famous snail porridge, which did frighten me when placed in front of me. I wasn't too bothered about the snails, but the lurid green mush underneath them scared me slightly. It tasted delicious, again, deeply savoury and rich, and topped with crispy fennel. The snails were tender (I always think of my last experience of escargot as being akin to eating erasers sauteed in garlic butter) and the porridge beautifully flavoured. I do think the porridge is there more for novelty than for taste as it's not quite identifiable and heavily disguised by the rest of the ingredients.

ROAST FOIE GRAS "BENZALDEHYDE" (Almond Fluid Gel, Cherry, Chamomile): Beautiful, delicate, and again, completely surprising. You'd never expect bakewell tart to go with fois gras, but it was perfect.

"SOUND OF THE SEA": Definitely more for entertainment than adventures in haute cuisine, "Sound of the Sea" comes with an iPod Nano playing sounds of the seaside. Paul's wine tasting selection was sake for this dish, which I fully understood as the flavours very much reminded me of Japanese food. The "plate" was lined with foam representing the foam left behind after a wave comes in (which didn't taste of anything), "sand" made of tapioca and eels (more frightening than it sounds; it was mostly just salty), three different kinds of fish (mackerel, yellowtail, and another fish that has slipped our minds), and varieties of seaweed underneath. I got it; it's the seaside. What I didn't get was the "wow factor" or a lot of flavour.

SALMON POACHED IN LIQUORICE GEL (Artichokes, Vanilla Mayonnaise and “Manni” Olive Oil): It did look much more beautiful than this, but I forgot to take a photo before digging in. The liquorice wasn't detectible in the gel, which is probably a good thing. Salmon wrapped in an Allsort wasn't going to do it for me; thankfully, it was simply a delicately cooked piece of fresh fish. The vanilla mayonnaise was light and went well with the salmon. The servers shaved liquorice on top of the dish and added drops of olive oil, however these too weren't detectable. The pink flecks on the plate is grapefruit, which was wonderfully fresh in the mouth.

BALLOTINE OF ANJOU PIGEON (Black Pudding “made to order”, Pickling Brine and Spiced Juices): Black pudding doesn't thrill me at the best of times, let alone when it appears as a glistening teardropped-smear on my plate, but I tried it with the pigeon anyway. Alone, it was very rich and didn't taste pleasant. With the pigeon, it blended well. The pigeon was incredibly tender and moist, and the crispy "crackling" (forgot to ask what it was made from) was light as a feather. By this point, I was starting to get full and this dish felt a bit heavy in my stomach.

HOT AND ICED TEA: This has got to be most the bizarre thing I've ever experienced; half of my mouth filled with warm Earl Grey tea and the other with cold. Bizarre, but sensational. I think the tea had honey and lemon in it, and it was a lovely "refresher" after the dense feeling left after eating the pigeon.

MRS MARSHALL’S MARGARET CORNET: Mrs Marshall, unlike Mrs Beeton, wrote and tested her own recipes in the Victorian era (so the small booklet we received before this course told us.) She was an early Blumenthal in drag, coming up with the idea to cook food with various gasses. This was her ice cream recipe, made from apple. I can live with foam, I'm getting used to jelly cubes, but I really can't get my head around salt used with dessert. Somewhere on this cone was a layer of salt, and it was an unpleasant surprise. I've been presented with salt on a dessert before (lemon tart with vanilla salt at the Old Bridge) and it made me wince then. I just don't get it, or what it's supposed to do for me.

PINE SHERBET FOUNTAIN (PRE-HIT): Sherbet to us North Americans is that white powdery sugar you find in Lik-M-Aid or those sweets that involved a firecracker-shaped paper tubes of powdered sugar with a liquorice stick for dipping. The concept of pine sugar makes me think of sweet floor cleaner, but this wasn't the case at all. The taste is difficult to describe, but mostly it was sweet with a wonderful hit of vanilla from the vanilla "stick" in the middle of the sherbet. Again, this was another palate-cleansing course before the final desserts.

MANGO AND DOUGLAS FIR PUREE (Bavarois of Lychee and Mango, Blackcurrant Sorbet, Blackcurrant and Green Peppercorn Jelly): Again, fearful of car freshener-flavoured food, I was hesitant about this one - particularly as the douglas fir was actually visible on top of the bavarois. And again, thankfully, it wasn't the case at all. The blackcurrent sorbet was intense and refreshing, with a sliver of (what I assumed was) dehydrated blackcurrent on top. The bavarois was delicate and light, not overly sweet.

And at this point, my camera battery died and just for fun, my phone also died. We had no photo-taking abilities, much to my huge disappointment.

PARSNIP CEREAL: The server chirped "Good morning!" and placed a miniature box of cereal in a bowl in front of us, with a small jug of milk. Both were made from parsnips, creating a tiny bowl of parsnip "corn flakes". Funny, cute, but pointless. It tasted like parsnips (which is fine, I like parsnips), et alors? This was another novelty course.

NITRO-SCRAMBLED EGG AND BACON ICE CREAM (Pain Perdu, Tea Jelly): This was undoubtedly another highlight of the evening, simply because it tasted sublime and provided entertainment. Tableside, no less. A server again bid us a "good morning" and cracked an "egg" into a pot. I say "egg" because although the outer shell was definitely once a chicken's egg, the inside was a pre-prepared liquid that had been injected inside. Once again, our friend liquid nitrogen appeared to "cook" the egg. The server stirred the mixture with a wooden spoon and announced that it was scrambled eggs. Another server placed a plate with the pain perdue and a razor-thin slice of bacon in front of the other server, who topped it with the scrambled eggs. I was absolutely taken aback and delighted at the flavour of the eggs; sweet with a hint of smoky bacon. The pain perdu was sweet, crunchy on the outside, and light inside. Beautiful - I would have gladly eaten a large slab of this in lieu of the three courses that preceded.

PETITS FOURS (Mandarin Aerated Chocolate, Violet Tartlet, Apple Pie Caramel in "Edible" Wrapper): I was presented with a plate of petite fours with "Happy Birthday" written on it. I can only speculate that Heston had anything to do with it. Let's just say he did and move on. Paul had an additional cheese course, and managed to pick the smelliest, ooziest cheeses of the lot.

I caught a glimpse of what I think was the man himself. He had been there earlier in the day for the lunch service (according to our fellow B&B guests at breakfast this morning) so I may not have been imagining things.

So what did we think overall? We loved the experience, we're thrilled that we did it, but it's not something we necessarily need to do again. It was gloriously extravagant (don't ask what the final bill was), service was perfect, and we're just not going to get a chance to do something like this very often in life. If we were to go again, we'd order a la carte. The table behind us did that, and their food looked delicious and a little more accessible (and less gimmicky.) We smiled from the first course until we left, noting in amazement that we'd just spent almost four hours eating. How often do parents get to do that? Fantastic; a real treat.

All the girls!

2009-03-30T11:41:00.000+01:00

You know, turning 40 isn't that bad at all...especially when it means a week of celebrations, starting with a spa day with the girls. We went to Center Parcs and had a really chilled, really lovely day. The day started with tea and coffee or juice, then we went for our treatments (pedicure for me), and then a couple of hours of wandering around in a robe and swimsuit doing a lot of nothing. There were saunas and steam baths to explore, a lovely outdoor heated pool with seats and bubbly jets to massage your back, and waterbeds! Yes, really! Very 70s. The beds were like the size of a lounge chair, scattered throughout the spa and piled high with pillows. Caroline and I found a double bed on an outdoor balcony with a corner full of huge beanbags and cushions. I could have stayed there all day. We then had lunch, followed by more nothing. I found a waterbed, read a little, then plugged in my iPod and drifted off for a few moments. I had one of those startling moments when my own snoring jolted me awake. Looking around to see if anyone was staring at me in disgust, I casually coughed and resumed my reading. Later on, we met up for huge slices of cake and hot beverages. The day just flew by.

Bliss! I mean, how often do you get to truly sit and do nothing? Even when no one's at home, there's still a pile of laundry and washing up that taunts you so you can never fully relax. This was a place where we weren't MummyMummyMummyMummyMuuuummmyyyyyyyyy!!!! and you could curl up with a good book or a trashy magazine for as long as you wanted to. Fabulous.

Tuesday is my birthday, but it'll be business as usual and a normal working day. Wednesday, Paul and I are off to the Fat Duck restaurant (where hopefully Norovirus is no longer on the tasting menu) and an overnight stay at a lovely B&B. Saturday, I'm going out with more girls for a meal at one of my favourite pubs. Very excited! So yes, turning 40 ain't that bad at all. Even though I have to do it without alcohol and with a lot of heartburn; it's going to be fantastic.

2009-03-25T08:15:00.000Z

getting there

One of the problems about not finding out the sex of the baby is that you can't go crazy with the shopping. So far, I've bought a couple of sleepsuits (gender neutral, of course) and newborn nappy bits and bobs. That's it. Oooh and a lovely new Moby wrap. We have all the big stuff like the co-sleeper, bedding, pushchairs, etc so we don't really need anything for the baby right away in terms of equipment. We will need a new bouncy chair as ours seems to have died while up in the loft, though. Gotta have a bouncy chair. It saves your sanity during the first three months or so. It sounds totally ridiculous, but I'm struggling to remember what you need for a newborn, even though we just did this 21 months ago. Nappies. Sleepsuits. Sling. Bed stuff. Baby gym. Bouncy chair. Muslins. Clothing. Baby bath. Boobs. Is that it?

How depressing. I'm currently bidding on a Miracle Blanket (swaddling blanket from Mothercare) because I sold mine on eBay after Mia outgrew them. Actually, wait - there is a bright side to this. The blankets were part of a gift from work so this is costing me nothing. Hurrah!

As for me, it's all going well and I'm feeling pretty good. My bump is enormous, as is the rest of me. I'm loading up on protein and avoiding the white starchy sugary stuff in an attempt to battle water retention (sort of a Brewer's Diet type affair.) It's a good diet to follow for labour and birth anyway, and I always feel better when I eat this way. But then of course with my birthday coming up there will be cake. Lots and lots of cake. Oh yes.

I feel calm and happy, looking forward to the birth (looking forward to maternity leave more so.) Could do with a nap, though.

Sous chef

2009-03-23T17:28:00.000Z

Yesterday was Mother's Day in the UK, and I had a lovely, lovely day. It started with some extra sleep (I got out of bed at 8:15 as opposed to 6:30 as usual) followed by cards and breakfast. Jack insisted that I have my breakfast on a tray in bed, but I didn't want to sit up in the bedroom by myself while Paul and Jack whipped it up so I came downstairs. When breakfast was ready, he came into the living room and declared "Breakfast is served!" I burst out laughing and was informed that "It's NOT FUNNY, mummy." Breakfast is a very serious business indeed. I said to Jack "Want to come upstairs with mummy to eat breakfast?" Jack said, "No, I'm watching Nick Jr." Ah, okay then.

We took the kids swimming, which was very relaxing as the pool wasn't nearly as crowded as usual. It's was lovely to splash around with the kids, making them giggle as I pushed them across the pool on a floating horsie. The afternoon was fairly quiet, which made a nice change from the hectic weekends we've had lately. For supper, Paul made me a gorgeous filet steak with potatoes and broccoli. We clinked wine glasses and I watched my trashy telly ("Dancing on Ice" - it was the finale, you know.) A very fantastic end to a wonderful day.

I hope all of you mummies had an equally wonderful day!

2009-03-17T10:55:00.000Z

i'm just weird like that

In my lovely, lovely antenatal yoga class last night (did I mention that it's lovely?), we were talking about labour at various points. The teacher and I have both had home births, one lady is hoping for a home birth for her first baby, and the other had her first with the help of syntocin/oxytocin and is pregnant with #2. So at one point, we were straddled on chairs leaning over the back and I mentioned that I laboured like this (didn't mention that I was screaming the house down at the time, so as not to alarm newbie mummy.) I said that it was really comfy and worked well because Paul could rub my back during contractions. Then we had a conversation about pushing. Lady who is pregnant with #2 said she couldn't tell how/when to push and explained because she had been given syntocin, she was told to push by midwives (despite not feeling the need.) I said how the pushing phase actually felt really good; a huge relief because you feel like you're working with the contractions. I told her that maybe if she's left to labour naturally, she might experience the urge to bear down next time. She sort of laughed when I said pushing felt good and said, "That's because you seem to actually LIKE giving birth!"

Actually, despite the pain and screaming (I read my birth story from time to time to remind myself that it wasn't all roses because Birth Amnesia tends to do this), I really did love giving birth. I'm very excited about doing it again, despite how mad that sounds. The anticipation of labour, the first few contractions, getting everything ready...I really can't wait. I think having had such a positive birth has given me a huge amount of confidence going into this one, and remembering the sheer joy and elation of Mia being born is something I am eager to experience again.

But first, I look forward to going on maternity leave, afternoon naps, and wandering aimlessly around shops on my own. Two more months...

2009-03-15T19:01:00.000Z

attack of the killer weeds

It was a lovely sunny afternoon and I finally decided to get out in the garden and start attacking the weeds. I've been gazing at them from the bedroom windows for weeks and they've been driving me nuts. I think the rockery is a total write-off; I need to dig it up and start again. It'll take me a month of Sundays, but it really needs to be done. I'm hoping that someone's planning on renting Alan Titchmarsh for my birthday to come and sort it out.

So anyway, the veggie patch is ready for this year's seed sowing and despite all the Braxton Hicks contractions I've had afterwards, I'm glad it's done.

Veg patch before:

Veg patch after:

Jack's got TWO Pringles

2009-03-13T22:36:00.000Z

First and foremost, I suck. I've been really rubbish at updating this blog, despite thinking "I must blog about this!" almost every day.

But what sucks the most is that I completely neglected to do a post dedicated to my beautiful boy who turned four on Feb 22. FOUR! Where the hell is time going? He and a friend had a joint pool party at the local leisure centre with nursery friends, and they had a blast. Paul couldn't get in the pool as it was too soon after his knee surgery, so all the nursery parents got to enjoy the sight of me in a swimsuit. I think most of them are still in therapy trying to get over that one. Anyway, it was a fab party and Jack had a very fun day. On the day of his birthday, we went out for lunch with my in-laws and the kids stuffed their faces with sausages and mash. So again, a good time was had by all.

And to make the day extra special, on the morning of Jack's birthday, Paul and I both felt Junior Mint squirming about from the outside for the first time. That's NEVER happened before. Normally, I feel movements from the outside at around 24 weeks then Paul finally catches them a few weeks later. Our babies tend to hide when daddy's hands come near them, but this time, Paul felt a very definite and strong kick just after I did. Jack leaned over and put his head on my belly, hoping to feel some kicks too. "I can hear the baby! He's playing!" Jack said.

He is such a big boy now although sometimes, thankfully, he still needs to curl up in my lap and have a cuddle with mummy. I love how I can have real (albeit somewhat surreal) conversations with him now, and he comes out with the most hilarious things. Today, Mia was poorly with a stomach bug. When Jack came home from nursery, Mia went running up to him. Jack took one look at her and said "Don't get sick on me." He can use computers, Wii consoles, and iPods. He's pretty much outgrown CBeebies and only wants to watch Ben10 and Star Wars. He had his first karate lesson last night. He's growing fast, but he's always going to be my baby boy. Even when he's 1 foot taller than me and eating us out of house and home.

Happy birthday, Jack-Jack. xxxxx

2009-03-08T20:19:00.000Z

bumpty bump bump

I have so many things I need to blog about, but no time at all at the moment. In the meantime, giggle in amusement at the mental size of my bump.

On the left, Junior Mint bump at 23 weeks. On the right, Mia bump at 25 weeks.

And for those who actually want to see my face, here's the full shot:

I've been in size 16 (size 14US) maternity since the end of December, and clothes I was sure would fit for a good long time are now too small. Feh. Better hit eBay soon.

2009-02-18T15:05:00.000Z

i knew this would come in handy one day

'Knitting' may delay memory loss

Engaging in a hobby like reading a book, making a patchwork quilt or even playing computer games can delay the onset of dementia, a US study suggests.

Watching TV however does not count - and indeed spending significant periods of time in front of the box may speed up memory loss, researchers found.

Those who had during middle age been busy reading, playing games or engaging in craft hobbies like patchworking or knitting were found to have a 40% reduced risk of memory impairment.

In later life, those same activities reduced the risk by between 30 and 50%. [source]

So now I'm wondering if knitting in front of the television cancels each other out. Damn.

2009-02-17T15:15:00.000Z

songs and stories

This morning, Jack climbed into Mia's cot and sang to her to keep her entertained. He sang "Away in a Manger" which included the new verse "The baby Jesus hurt his head, and he had to go to the doctor's." Snappy! I like it!

I was invited to try out a new bit of software from Microsoft called Time for a Story. It requires Live Messenger, a microphone, speakers/headphones, and a web cam, and allows you to read stories to your kids (or anyone else you have on Live Messenger) online. It's great fun and interactive; kids just don't listen to the story or watch it on screen, they can click on images in the story to see what happens.

At the moment, there are only Noddy stories available which is fine for Jack - Noddy's one of his favourites. I haven't had a chance to try this out with him yet, but I know this is something both my parents and my in-laws would really enjoy using. Storytime is a huge hit in our house, and having a grandparent read to the kids is even better. They're both already on Live Messenger and have web cams, so it wouldn't take much effort to get them up and running. The interface is quite simple, so if you've got a parent/grandparent/other relative who isn't very computer-savvy, it shouldn't be too difficult for them to set up and use.

Granted, this is only a beta version, but I was a bit annoyed that it insisted that I use Internet Explorer to launch the story (I prefer Firefox or Chrome.) It also won't run on a Mac due to limitations in Live Messenger for Mac. Whether or not Microsoft will make this compatible with Macs and other browsers is yet to be seen, but I think they'd be foolish to alienate/piss off a vast number of potential users.

Overall, it's a fun concept and I would definitely use it. We have the advantage of having laptops, so my plan was to take the computer right up to bed with Jack and Mia, so they could get snuggled up while listening to a story.

2009-02-16T14:52:00.000Z

big scan, big relief

I've been nervous and stressed for days now. I always get this way before the 20 week scan, because this is the point at which they'll be able to see if something's seriously wrong for the first time. Normally at this point we'd also be finding out the sex, but we're keeping it a surprise this time. And frankly, I simply didn't care - I just wanted to see a healthy baby in there.

The morning started off splendidly when Mia threw up in abundance all over herself and myself. Just as we were getting ready to drop the kids off and go to the hospital for the scan. Hurrah. With only minutes to figure out what on earth to do (and no spare time to call a friend and wait for them to come over), we decided that Paul would stay here while I went to have the scan on my own. It was very, very odd to go to a scan on my own and I didn't much like it. I had such a bad feeling about things, mostly because of how the morning was going. But then things looked up, starting with Good Parking Karma. A nice lady passed me her parking voucher which still had two hours left, saving me £2.60 in extortionate hospital parking fees. Paul always passes our tickets along if there's time left, so Good Parking Karma has finally returned to us. I was first in for a scan, so I had only a short wait with a cup of tea.

The scan went brilliantly and all parts are present and accounted for. My placenta is definitely posterior and high, which is a very good thing. I stressed that I didn't want to know the baby's sex, and I can definitely say that I'm more confused about this topic than I was going in. I keep wavering, and it's not being helped by a distinct lack of visible bits when she measured the femur and the fact that she once referred to the baby as a "he" then quickly reverted to "it". Then at my midwife appointment today, the heart rate was 130-140 (boy, according to the old wives.) So anyway, it's still a surprise and I'm still very happy with that. Incidentally, it probably would have been difficult to see the baby's bits because s/he had the legs tightly crossed the whole scan and had a hand in front of the bladder.

It was very odd to be at a scan without Paul. The sonographer asked if I had anyone with me, and it was weird to say no. We are planning on doing a 3D scan later on, so at least Paul will get to see Minty again then.

And now for some photos!

2009-02-12T12:07:00.000Z

peekaboo

Oh, hello there. Yes, I know this blog has been woefully neglected lately. I simply have nothing interesting to say these days - which hadn't stopped me in the past, mind you. So, here I am. Apologies in advance for the dribble that shall commence.

I'm currently wearing MIA's dress. It's very breezy, and because it's monochrome, it goes with anything! Apparently it's not a maternity dress, but we like flexible apparel. In all seriousness, I think it looks better on MIA than Agyness Deyn; you need a little something to fill out the ladybird bits.

We're heading out for our annual Pre-Valentine's Dinner Date Because Set Menus and Crowds Piss Us Off evening tonight. My in-laws are helping us out at the moment while Paul recovers from knee surgery (keyhole, he's doing just fine) and acting as babysitters tonight. It'll be lovely to have a civilised evening that doesn't involve Nick Jr and nappy changing. Speaking of civilised evenings, we've booked a table at Heston Blumenthal's restaurant The Fat Duck to celebrate my 40th (*gah!*) birthday at the end of March. We're heading down to Bray in the afternoon, having dinner, then spending the night at a lovely B&B on the riverside. Really, really cannot wait. Good food, a night alone with my husband, the opportunity to sleep past 7am - I'm all agog. I am so looking forward to this.

Have just calculated that I after 10 working days in May, I'm off on holiday and then maternity leave. Niiiice.

2009-02-03T08:49:00.000Z

almost halfway there, and i better not double in size

On the left, my Mia belly at 19 weeks. On the right, my Junior Mint belly at 18 weeks.

Egad.

Chicken pox is not fun

2009-02-02T10:55:00.000Z

My little girl has the pox, so I've been at home taking care of her while she recovers. The best thing about getting chickenpox at this age is that it really doesn't seem to faze toddlers that much. She's been a bit grumpy, but otherwise pretty much herself. In fact, right now she's sitting on the floor playing with cars singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" to herself. The worst part is being stuck indoors, but I have a couple of projects to keep me busy and pelvic pain that's kept me on the sofa anyway.

Mia's new words this weekend were Jasper and Mia. I absolutely love how sometimes she says "yay" instead of "yes". So when I ask her if she'd like a snack, a bath, or head up to bed, she'll shout out "YAAAAY!" We like enthusiasm around here.

2009-01-26T15:01:00.000Z

DfT Tales of the Road - Part 2

This is the second ad from the "Tales of the Road" series from the Department for Transport. Keeping with the same Tim Burton-esque animation as the previous advert, this one is notably less "gory" than the first and I think will be more effective.

I like that they're running this campaign because I find English roads to be incredibly dark on the most part. Although my area is dotted with several villages, there are several very rural areas where there are no lights and in some cases, narrow or single-track roads. Also, Cambridgeshire is incredibly flat, making it ideal for cycling. I think it's hugely important to convince kids to wear reflective gear and be seen because of all this. It's quite sad, we've got reflective tags and flashing lights to attach to our dog for evening walks, but I didn't have anything reflective for the kids until recently. I hope this campaign makes more parents aware, like it has done for me.

2009-01-26T10:20:00.000Z

who NOT TO book for your child's party

We went to a party yesterday for one of Jack's nursery friends, and they had hired a magician to perform. At the beginning of the show, I had to take Jack to the loo and when I returned, I caught the end of a conversation involving the magician telling off some mums for talking during his performance. At a CHILDREN'S PARTY. For which HE is being PAID to perform.

It gets better.

One of the mums and I started chatting very quietly, leaning in close to each other because I had a very difficult time hearing her as we tried to keep our voices down. I then noticed the room had fallen silent, and turned to see the magician staring at us with the dirtiest look I'd ever received in my life. He had actually stopped the show to berate us, patronisingly asking us if we would "like to join in now." The child's mother looked at us in horror and embarrassment, and the other parents looked at us with a mixture of shock and laughter at the absurdity of the situation. At another point, another group of mums started chatting quietly at the back of the room, and this time he said "And now for our next trick IF THE MUMS IN THE BACK WOULD ALL STOP CHATTING" with a glare.

Now the thing is, normally I'm not one to hold my tongue. My instinct was to smack this asshole with my very large handbag and give him a piece of my mind. But because he kept doing it during the performance in front of our children, I didn't want to be rude. And after the show, I didn't want to further embarrass the hosting mum by having a go at the guy she'd hired to entertain the kids. So gracefully, I let him off - but not without ensuring that I get the word out that this guy should be avoided like the plague.

Do not, even in your most desperate moment, hire a guy called Billy Banana Children's Entertainer (AKA Peter Ashley) at http://www.billybanana.com/ phone number (01353) 649595. I'm not quite sure how he stays in business, but generally it's a bad idea to completely humiliate and piss off potential customers. Just a tip for you, Billy.

2009-01-19T14:34:00.000Z

and here's me, without coffee

There is nothing worse than being totally, totally exhausted but unable to fall asleep every night. Well, okay. There are lots of things worse than this, but humour me...I don't have time for perspective and reality right now. I just can't fall asleep quickly anymore. I go upstairs early, I get all snuggled into bed, I read, read some more, put the book down, close my eyes, and lie there for an hour or two until I finally succumb to sleep. By that time, it's around 1am and I'm a zombie by morning. I feel like I've had too many espressos at the end of every day; all jittery and unable to relax. I've tried Rescue Remedy, lavender oil, and warm milk (BLEAH), but nothing seems to work. I had this with Jack and Mia, too. Pesky hormones.

Forgot to mention, at my midwife appointment last Thursday, Junior Mint's heart rate ranged from 142 (boy!) to 158 (girl!) in the couple of minutes Jane had the Sonicaid on me. So really, it's anyone's guess right now. Still leaning towards boy.

The Big Scan is in four weeks, and I cannot wait. Thankfully I managed to snag a 9:00am slot, so no hanging around all day watching the clock. And no having to waddle around for ages with a bladder about to burst.

2009-01-14T16:26:00.000Z

little things

So Jack was telling us some jokes on the way to nursery today: "Why did the zebra eat the tomato? Because HE LIKES IT! Baaahahahahahaha! Why did the owl eat the banana? Because HE LIKES IT! Baaahahahahahaha!" and so on. Mia looked uncertain, but laughed along anyway.

Mia says: mummy (finally!! Paul and I have both been "daddy" up until this week), Jack, meow, hat, shoes, yeah, no, "one, two, threeee!", bye, hiya, dog, woof, uhoh, gone, look, ta, hot (mostly referring to the oven), yum yum, duck, cheese, cheers, eye, and baby. Sometimes all at the same time.

Junior Mint is still wriggling away in there, and the 20 week scan has been booked for Feb 16. I'm feeling so much better these days, and have even been eating healthily and exercising. I give it a month, tops (both the feeling good and the healthy regime.) I'm huge and looking properly pregnant, but I much prefer that to the "Has she been eating too many pies lately?" look. For the record, we are both very much leaning towards JM being a boy.

Hmm. Wonder if anyone would mind if I crawled under my desk and took a nap for an hour or so?

2009-01-08T14:58:00.000Z

let the betting pools commence

Jack thinks the baby will be a girl, and that we should call her Mia. That way, he explained, we'd have Mia 1 and Mia 2.

This would make things much easier, as I could just reuse Mia's wall letters and wouldn't need to re-label all of the clothes for nursery.

2009-01-05T20:44:00.000Z

big, bigger, biggest

From left to right: 14 weeks 4 days with Jack, 14 weeks 1 day with Mia, and 14 weeks 1 day with Junior Mint.

Gosh. Already outgrowing my boobs and it's not even month 4. Everything is going well, I'm actually feeling pretty good, and I've definitely got Baby Squirmies happening on a regular basis now. It's all rather uneventful at the moment, which is just fine by me.

I managed to snag some bargain maternity wear in the Christmas sales (online, dahlings - mama don't do in store shopping over the holidays) and my friend Lucie dropped off a bag of lovely clothes a friend had passed along to her. There were some really gorgeous bits in there; dressier things for work from Blooming Marvellous, Mamas and Papas, etc. What a treat! So this means I no longer have to wear a bin bag secured with bungee cord, I've got clothes that fit me now.

Thank you, that is all.

2008-12-29T21:03:00.000Z

a little more good stuff

Forgot to mention that I asked The Mysterious Mr Lim (some readers may remember him from my adventures in hospital before the birth of Jack) if he could see the position of my placenta at the NT scan. I'm pleased to say that it's posterior, which hopefully means no back labour this time (because man, that SUCKED) and no worries about the placenta growing into my scar. Yippie! Also, he let us hear the heartbeat during the scan, which is the first time I've heard my baby's heartbeat on anything other than a Sonicaid antenatally. It was so much clearer and very, very cool indeed.

I told Mia today that I have a baby in my belly. She looked at me like this:

and kept pointing at my belly. I said "Baby!" each time and without fail, I got that look.

I kinda know how she feels, frankly.

2008-12-27T22:10:00.000Z

fresh air

It's so nice to be out of the pregnancy closet. Now people will understand why I've been moody, confused, and increasingly rotund. They probably suspected pregnancy or early menopause anyway, but there you go. I "popped" big time, pretty much as soon as I hit 12 weeks. It's like my uterus not only found its way above my pubic bone, it moved into a spacious penthouse just above my bellybutton. I am mother, see me waddle.

Hey, did I mention that I've given away every stitch of Jack and Mia's baby clothing (apart from a few very special pieces)? I have no girl clothes prior to 9 months, and no boy clothes prior to one year. Mmmyes. Thankfully, I'm still fully stocked in terms of baby equipment (co-sleeper, slings, toys, etc.) but severely lacking in the clothing department. Which is probably a good thing for all those people wondering what the hell you get someone who is not only having a third child, but already has one of each sex.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my two week Festival of Eating Everything Because I'm Pregnant. (Healthy eating and possible extra movement maybe involving yoga and other such delicate lady exercises to commence after the holidays.)

2008-12-25T17:31:00.000Z

third time lucky

So there I was, telling everyone who asked that there was NO WAY we were having any more kids! NO! Three, and you're outnumbered! I'd have to buy a new car! The child would have to sleep in a drawer! No, no, a thousand times, NO.

Yeah, it's not too tricky to guess where this is heading.

Although we didn't plan to have another, I am now finding myself with child #3. And I'm happy and remarkably calm about it. Hormones do strange things to you. They can make you throw heavy objects at loved ones for no good reason, but they can also make you feel entirely at peace with something that one month ago would have given you a mild heart attack. We had a little "oops" a couple of months ago with a slight condom malfunction, and I literally woke up for days afterwards in a complete panic about being pregnant. This time, very shortly after we figured out that I was indeed fertile during that night of frivolity and red wine, I felt okay. Out of nowhere, a thought popped into my head: another child would be absolutely fine. And then I knew that I was pregnant. Well, I didn't know know because obviously that doesn't happen until you wee on a bit of plastic and you squint at lines for an hour in variable lighting. But I knew. And it made me smile.

I've promised myself to enjoy every single second of this pregnancy. I deeply regret spending the majority of my pregnancy with Mia in a state of panic and fear; I was newly grieving a missed miscarriage and incapable of feeling joy for this new life growing inside me until I was well into the second trimester. For months, I didn't want to plan anything "just in case", I didn't allow myself to simply feel happy, I stayed away from pregnancy web sites, I wouldn't dream of things to come, I didn't want to know her sex because I didn't want to get too attached if I lost the baby again. I refuse to do that this time.

Whether this lasts for another day or until the birth, I will cherish every moment. I didn't think I'd get to experience this again, and I'm elated to have the honour.

So, here we go...again.

0-4 Weeks
I've got every symptom in the book, and then some. I don't remember feeling this rough so early on - I haven't even missed my period yet. Everything hurts, I've got heartburn, nausea, headaches, shortness of breath, cramps, comedy boobs, and enough bloat to make my clothes snug. It doesn't help that I've got a cold, but man...it's all hitting me hard.

Spoke to a GP about getting an early scan but this isn't the done thing now that I've had a successful pregnancy - apparently Mia has cancelled all of my "risk" out and I'm no longer deserving of an extra scan. It took every ounce of strength to not lean over and go, "Look bud. It's just one damn scan. I'm paying for the 12 week one myself and I'm birthing at home with an independent midwife again, saving the NHS hundreds of pounds. Give. Me. The. Feckin. Scan." Surprisingly, I am actually pretty much okay with not getting the scan. I'm not as scared this time (thank the gods) and I can wait until the NT scan. It would have been nice to get an early peek just for my peace of mind and to be able to tell some friends and family. He said he'd look into it and get back to me, so who knows. Otherwise, it means I can make a Christmas announcement which would be lovely, too.

On Friday, while I was driving along and thinking of baby things, a nickname suddenly popped into my head - Junior Mint. No clue why and you can't even get the silly things in this country, but it made me giggle. I told Paul, who gave me that funny look I tend to get from a lot of Brits on a regular basis. I think he's okay with Minty as a nickname. Paul and I talked about names today (Oct 26) and we have picked a boy and a girl name. How easy was that? Go us! As is the tradition, when we have difficulty coming up with a name for a particular sex, this means we're having the opposite. Today, the boy name was easy and we had quite a few contenders - the girls were harder. We've decided not to find out the sex before the birth, so that we have that nice element of surprise. I really needed to know with Jack and Mia but maybe because we've got our "pigeon pair", we're prepared for either sex this time.

I asked Jack, "What would be a good name for a girl?" and he said "CUCKOO MONKEYHEAD!" and fell over laughing. Well. There certainly wouldn't be another one of those in school.

I'm sad that I gave away/donated all of my maternity clothes. I was just looking back at photos when I was pregnant with Mia, and there are some pieces that were really lovely; some of them had been around since I was pregnant with Jack. And how annoyed am I that we just left the land of inexpensive and plentiful maternity wear (AKA The US of A)?! Grrrr.

Just about to enter week 5 and I'm not feeling nearly as hideous as last week. Which is good.

5-9 Weeks
I'm now in week 5, and I'm starting to worry about Bad Things happening. I'm very tempted to get an 8 week scan done privately, but is it worth £95 just because I'm impatient? And will it matter? When I got the early scan with Mia, I was slightly relieved but I still worried right through to the 20 week scan. Would an early scan actually make a difference? At the moment, my fears are about miscarrying or having an ectopic pregnancy...which are exactly the same fears I had when I was pregnant with Jack, and I managed to make it to 12 weeks without having a meltdown. Argh. Just don't know what to do.

YES! Lovely Scan Lady called and my scan has been scheduled for Nov. 25th! But - I'm on jury duty the week before and I have no idea if I'll be free that day. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah. *stress stress stress* Need to ring the jury duty people and ask if I can be excused on that morning, if need be. In other news, I'm feeling very pregnant. Some may say this is a good thing, but I'm not really enjoying the moment. Nausea, heartburn, cramps, extreme fatigue, and a cold that just won't go away. I'm a real bucket of fun right now.

The baby likes: meat (the redder the better), cheese, eggs, spicy foods, sweet foods.
The baby doesn't like: pasta (only sometimes), asparagus (unless it's grilled), the smells that come out of the kitchen at the office.

Just passed week 6 and oh, the nausea. I'm almost phobic about throwing up, so I am spending every waking hour concentrating on not vomiting. Seriously, seriously not a happy bunny. On the plus side, all I had to do was send an email to the jury duty people explaining my delicate state, and I've been excused from service. Phew.

7 weeks, 2 days and I'm scared. Found a bit of bright red blood when I went to the toilet this morning, so the 8 week scan has been moved up to tomorrow. God, I hate this.

All went well, baby measuring on time, with a little heart flickering away. Phew. Well, sort of phew. Glad to be over this hurdle but annoyed that I didn't hold out for 8 weeks (because the baby I lost stopped growing at 7 weeks 5 days, so a 7 week scan may have shown a healthy baby.) It did alleviate a few of my fears...baby's in the right place, it's fine right now, there's only one. That sort of thing. Apparently the bleeding was probably from straining, which makes sense as I've been constipated for days now. Lovely.

For some reason, I've got a snowstorm happening in my uterus:

Just passed week 8, and all seems well. I've booked the midwives (they work as a team of two), and I'm looking forward to my first appointment. I'm hoping that they will try to hear the heartbeat at around 10 weeks, just so I don't go totally nuts by the time I have the NT scan (Dec 22.) Pregnancy-wise, I'm feeling fine. Not nearly as nauseous in general, although I had to use all of my concentration not to throw up during dinner with my in-laws last weekend. That might have been tricky to explain. I've had a cold for a few weeks now...so it's hard to tell what's pregnancy-related and what's due to the virus. I've got a noticeable belly, but it's probably at that stage where people are unsure if it's a baby or from the 4 dozen oatmeal cookies I made this afternoon. I'm still happy and excited, but a bit "oh, shit" about everything at the same time. It's just very surreal. I can't imagine having a newborn in the house again.

10-12 Weeks
Just starting week 10, and all is (I assume) well. I've decided to change midwives, not because of any major catastrophe and I'm probably just being hormonal, but because my gut wasn't feeling right about certain things. I've contacted Jane, who delivered Mia, and I truly hope she's available. Why I didn't just go with her in the first place is beyond me. Seriously. I have no explanation except temporary pregnancy insanity. So, I have no idea when I'll finally see a midwife and if I'll hear the heartbeat before my scan. Feh. I'm still feeling pretty rough: exhausted, nauseous, headachey, and just sorta fuzzy in the brain. I feel like I can barely do my job and I'm sure most of what I'm writing at work is fairly incoherent. I just want to sleep. And eat.

10 weeks, 5 days and I've found a bit of pink on the toilet paper. Shit. Cramping again like crazy and I'm very worried. Hate this. Again.

11 weeks, 2 days and I am all sorts of happy right now. Lovely Jane was available and is now our midwife, and I'm so glad. I met her today for my first appointment and immediately felt at ease and knew she was exactly right for me. She's now Jasper's BFF, which is nice. We went through all the details, chatted a lot about everything, and at the very end, she offered to search for Minty's heartbeat - and there it was, choo-chooing away, easily found. A beautiful, beautiful sound. She held the Sonicaid on my belly for ages, letting me relish the thump thumps. It's over 160 bpm, so old wives say girl for now. I'm just so relieved. Roll on Monday for the NT scan.

11 weeks, 4 days and I'm probably going insane, but I swear I felt the baby today. I was leaning forward on a table at a meal out with the girls, and I felt the "thud" I only ever feel when I'm pregnant. Sort of a twinge/spasm/sharp prod kind of thing, far enough down to have been Minty. How very, very cool.

12 weeks, 2 days and we had our NT scan. Now I know that I'm not going insane, because when I see the baby move on the screen, I can feel it at the same time. Hugely relieved to say not only was baby wriggling and well (literally doing somersaults), but my chances of Down's are low for an old broad like me. I've got the same risk as a 32-year-old, which prompted my husband to say, "Woo hoo! I've got a younger wife!"

Here is Minty, in all his/her glory. A Merry Christmas indeed. And now, time to publish this post.

2008-12-19T13:29:00.000Z

we wish you a merry christmas

2008-12-15T12:21:00.000Z

if everyone just listened to me, stuff like this wouldn't happen

Women who are pregnant or breastfeeding do not have to avoid peanuts, even if there is a family history of allergy, food safety experts have said.

Current advice says where there are allergies on either the mother's or father's side, women may wish to avoid peanuts in pregnancy.

But the Food Standards Agency says recent studies show no evidence of increased allergy risk in this group. [source]

Oh, this vexes me so. As if the list of Naughty Things in pregnancy and breastfeeding isn't long enough, they're telling us to avoid things that aren't even harmful. I never bought into the avoiding peanuts thing (as evidenced by my massive consumption of peanut butter in all of my pregnancies) because it just didn't make sense to me. See! I told you so! Hmph.

I eagerly await a forthcoming "Sorry, Yes - You CAN Actually Eat Sushi During Pregnancy" study.

2008-12-08T21:10:00.000Z

better than an alarm clock

The last few mornings, we've been woken up by the following tune emanating from our son's bedroom:
"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year."
[Pause. Volume increases.]
"GOOD TIDINGS WE BRING TO YOU AND YOUR KIN! WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"
[Repeat until someone goes into his room or shouts out "Okay Jack, thank you!"]

2008-11-30T09:39:00.000Z

now i've seen everything

Just came across a recipe for cookies that are supposed to induce labour. And you know, they worked for Betty and Susan, so they must really induce labour!

*rolls eyes*

2008-11-27T17:22:00.000Z

can't argue with that

The other day, Jack announced to everyone at nursery, "I was in mummy's belly when mummy and daddy were on honeymoon!" Very true, and thankfully I'm not really embarrassed by it. These are modern times, you know.

In other news, Jack no longer wants a Fire Bike (TM) but now only wants a Dinoco Lightning McQueen car. It's blue and shoots little plastic rockets, which apparently makes it super cool. He wants nothing else, just the car. I was informed that the Fire Bike (TM) was too dangerous for him because he's too little. I asked him what Mia would like for Christmas, and he informed me that she should also get a Dinoco Lightning McQueen car. Probably so that she doesn't use his.

Jack's an innkeeper in this year's Christmas play at nursery, and he has a line: "I have no room." We really need to watch ourselves because we keep joking around with him and telling him to say things like "We have no room - try the Travelodge!"

In Mia news, she has been saying lots of new things like "gone" (while holding her hands up), "look" (while pointing at random things), "Jack's socks" or "Jack's shoes", and her current favourite "uh oh." Annoyingly, I am still "daddy" and every animal is "dog WOOF!"

Thank you, that is all.